The futures bright, the futures definitely NOT Orange

I've been asked to communicate who gets evicted from the Big Brother house tonight. This won't be happening for two reasons:

1, I really don't care
2, That would mean missing Poland v Ecuador

The World Cup is here. Hurray.

As is traditional at this time, I will make the following predictions. Please feel free to ridicule them as you see fit:

• The Czech Republic will get to (at least) the Semi-Finals, although not because of their kit. Well worth an each-way bet


• Angola will beat Portugal and therefore get through to the second round, making them the African side to get the furthest


• England will get to the Quarter Finals, after which it's pot luck who will beat us on penalties


• Mexico will go out fairly early, contrary to a lot of pundits thinking


• Germany will easily win their group but go out in the second round

• Peter Crouch will score the winner in one of the group games and be proclaimed a hero, despite missing the target with his other 8 chances of the game


• Gary Neville will continue to bang on about HIS metatarsal injury in 2002 without the slightest sense of irony. I can't remember anybody in 2002 saying "Oh dear, with Gary Neville out we've got no chance". Rooney is world class, YOU WEREN'T MISSED YOU MUPPET


• Wayne Rooney will be targeted by the German / Poland hatchet man in the first five minutes and play no further part in the competition. Still better than having Jermaine Defoe in the squad, though


• If Australia get into the second round, expect Harry Kewell to go off injured wihin 15 minutes, but still expect plaudits for his limited contribution

• Shed Boy will extol the virtues of watching the football in Blackburn, but then refuse point blank any attempt to take us to Blackburn at any time


• Woody will claim that Michael Owen is actually Welsh


• Woody will then refute claims that Ryan Giggs is, in fact, English


• I'll point to a player and say "He used to play for Forest" before sobbing in a corner at our current predicament


• John Motson will state that one of the Ghanaian strikers once had a trial at Brentford


• Ten minutes later, Goldfish boy will state that one of the Ghanaian strikers once had a trial at Brentford, but won't be able to recall where he knows that from


• Nixey will predict the winners of the World Cup


• The team Nixey predicts to win the World Cup will suprisingly get knocked out in the first round. Surprising to all except those of us who know Nixey

Unfortunately for McGaribaldi, Nixey has predicted a Holland victory. Expect them home on June 22.