The two best words in the English language are …..

..... “Beer” and “Festival”.

One of them is a cracking word all year round, while the second is useful for only one weekend in 52. See if you can guess which is which.

But put the two words together, and something magical happens.

This year the festivities have been moved away from the Victoria Leisure Centre, which is a shame as I’ve been personally going for 22 years and is the only time I ever get to that part of town. And I’ll also miss moving into the ‘swimming pool’ room and making my way across the scaffolded pool area to the tables, if you don’t feel drunk enough on the beer, you will when the floor’s wobbling under the weight of a couple of hundred 18 stone beer bellied real ale enthusiasts.

This year, the festival will be held in the grounds of the castle, a very fitting setting and hopefully the weather should stay fine for the duration.

If you’ve never been before, you don’t know what you’re missing. If you go to your local every night and drink the same thing pint after pint, it’s like eating in McDonalds every day and then suddenly turning up to a tasting session of every top chef in the land.


Talking of beer, some cretin has decided to complain about Orkney Brewery’s “Skull Splitter Ale” on the basis that it might encourage young people to drink and become aggressive.

Like they need any encouragement.

In the report, an Orkney Brewery spokesman says Skull Splitter is bought by:

”Discerning drinkers who appreciate its quality and who drink it responsibly.”

He’s wrong. Skull Splitter is bought by curious drinkers keen to find out how an 8.5% ale tastes, before being spat out by now uncurious drinkers who remember that ale that strong usually tastes like pish.

But on this logic, when I go to the beer festival I’ll need to avoid drinking Brampton Brewery’s “Wasp Nest” (because it’ll obviously contain wasps), White Horse’s “Village Idiot” (not necessary) or “Giraffes” from Alloa’s Williams Brothers, as then I’ll turn into a 12 foot vegetarian.

And I’ll need to let Twycross Zoo know if I have any Glastonbury’s own “Love Monkey”.