Lucky Col
Dance as though nobody's watching, love like it's never going to hurt

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Nottingham's great, oh yes, except for just one thing ........

Nottingham is officially the best place in the world to live, no arguments, no discussions, a card hard fact. End of. Everything here is the best it can possibly be. More pubs per square mile than any other city in Europe ? Check. 7 women for every bloke ? Check. The best place for a night out in the world ? Check. Best shopping ? Apparently, so check. Quite simply the best of everything.

Except one thing.

Why is it that when it snows everywhere else in the country, we get a sprinkling so sparse you’d mistake it for the toilets in the Pitcher & Piano on a Friday night. And yet as soon as the temperature hits anything below, ooh, about 10 degrees, everyone insists on checking the weather on t’internet every 30 seconds or watching that mad bloke who used to be Lennie in EastEnders bouncing around in front of a pretend map of an evening.

I keep hearing the following on t’tram:

“Ooh, it’s going to snow at the weekend” ; “Is it ?” ; “Yeah” ; “Best stock up on bread and soup then, eh”

Like a touch of snow is going to stop people in Nottingham shopping !!!! In the event of a nuclear war there’d still be people walking round Slab Square with Primark bags.

In Nottingham, even if you spend just ten seconds with your blowers on the windscreen before setting off, you can bet that the roads will be full of either morons going 5mph or idiots in 4x4’s who assume that their time has come. A touch of frost on the roads and it’s as if hell itself has frozen over.

Everyone remembers the last bad snow we had, it was f***ing eighteen f***ing years ago, when the power went off for a couple of hours and a few people got stuck in the Clothes Show event at the NEC, which down here is the equivalent of sitting in an Antarctic tent up until your birthday and then deciding you’re going out for a short walk.

If you want the best life you could possibly have, live in Nottingham. Unless you want snow, in which case move to Norway.

2 Comments:

  • Mind you, they forecast snow for this week...

    By Anonymous Pinksy, at 4:54 PM  

  • I am lucky enough to remember that snowfall all them years back..i used to get pissed off at on place i worked when mates who lived in Mansfield would come to work with six inch of snow on their cars when we got a frost..Some government umbrella up above us or what?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:11 PM  

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