X Factor NOT fixed shock

I may have read this somewhere. On the other hand, I may not .....

TV viewers were today left in shock when it was revealed that hit reality TV program ‘X Factor’ was in fact NOT fixed.

Producers today admitted for the first time that the process for removing contestants was purely down to a unique completely trustworthy public telephone voting system.

Mrs Grace Ullable from Rotherham has already complained to her MP:

“It’s a disgrace. All I want to do is text my selection to t’number on t’tele safe in t’knoweldge that t'decision has already been made. Now when I vote, it makes a difference. I don’t think I can handle that kind of pressure. To be safe, last Sat’day, I voted for all of 'em, so I didn’t feel guilty, like”

Producers acknowledged that, in the past, mistakes had been made:

“Stories would be placed in the media concerning contestants in a bid to increase popularity and ratings”

said an anonymous insider

“Gareth Gates was walking away with it one year, until we ran the story of him punching that granny outside the auditions. After that, it was Will Young all the way. We still got a record deal for Gareth, so everyone won.”

And in another shock admission that will astound fellow TV executives, especially those at Channel 4, the producers of the X Factor also confirmed that contestants voted out would definitely NOT be returning at a later date.

“We decided that artists who lowered themselves to this kind of degrading treatment in the name of entertainment and who still didn’t have enough talent to even get into the final, really weren’t worth bothering with. And besides, there’s always Eurovision.”

The current producers have distanced themselves from events in the past:

“We can’t pull the wool over their eyes any more”

said another source,

“The general public who watch the X Factor aren’t stupid”.

Current judge Simon Cowell was less than impressed, however:

“The general public who watch the X Factor ARE stupid. How can I promise a safe passage through the rounds for all the contestants who I believe fancy me, if it’s down to the filthy masses to decide their fate? They know nothing about how the pop industry works. They get what I give them, NOT what they want.”

Fellow judges Cheryl Cole, Loius Walsh and Dannii Minogue were unavailable for comment as Cole was too busy possibly shouting racial abuse out of the window while Walsh & Minogue were too busy rehearsing spontaneously throwing water over each other.