Why Don't You

I used to hate the TV Program Why Don't You with a passion. Blue Peter showed you how to make things out of left-overs that we never had in our house, so was never a threat to the status quo. But Why Don't You would have me mam nagging on for hours if she saw so much as a half-decent reason for us to leave the TV during school holidays. The bloody stuck-up, stage-school, Grange-Hill reject t*****s.

Tonight sees the start of Big Brother 7.

I won't lie and say I haven't seen any of the others, because I have. Mainly through lack of choice, but always with a sense of hatred towards the wannabee idiots inside.

This year, I'm making a pledge not to get involved. I don't care who goes in the house, I don't care if any of them shag anyone else on screen and I don't want to see anyone go into labor & give birth. Again.

All this nonsense of having a house with the furniture on the outside and grass in the kitchen. Any house round our way like that would be raided by the police on a regular basis.

I've got a plan. What I'll do if anyone mentions Big Brother to me over the next thirteen weeks is ask them this question, taught to me 25 years ago by several pre-pubescent, TV producer offspring:

Why Don't You
Why Don't You
Why Don't You
Why Don't You
Why Don't You...
...just switch off your television set and go out and do something less boring instead ?