Try this ....
You're just getting on the bus, or struggling through the door with your shopping, when your mobile rings. Not the normal ring you instantly recognise as your significant other, but the general ring saying that person unknown is trying to reach you. You put all your belongings on the floor, frantically searching for your phone in your 21 pockets, before finally pulling it out just as the phone rings off. You don't recognise the number, apart from remembering the same number popping up last week.
And the week before that, come to think of it .....
But the next time, you're quick, you answer it and there's a human voice at the other end of the line:
Hello, how are you today ? Am I speaking to ******* ******* ?
Now, normally, you would politely advise the caller that you don't have the time and you're not interested. You might even remember filling in your details on-line to stop getting these type of calls, but this has obviously not worked. Either that or you've forgotten to tick the box on one of the many forms completed in the last few months. Usually, without any further conversation, you would say "Bye" and hang up.
Job done ?
No !
Within 2 weeks, you get a similar call from a slightly different number with exactly the same script.
Hello, how are you today ? Am I speaking to ******* ******* ?
Blah blah blah.
Next time, try this tack. It does take slightly longer, but since I went down this road, I've not had a single return call. Sometimes you have to invest a bit of time in order to save time later on. The following is an exact transcript of a phone conversation I had with one of these mobile phone monkeys a few weeks back .....
Company: Hello, how are you today ? Am I speaking to ******** ******** ?
Me: Yes you are, and to whom am I speaking ? (Straight off the script)
Sorry ?
To whom am I speaking ?
(Gives name quickly, but then straight back on track) I am calling today because you are very lucky, you ......
(Interrupting) How lucky am I ?
Sorry ?
You said I was very lucky
Yes
Well, is that extremely lucky, or just mildly fortunate ?
Oh, extremely lucky, any way ....(back to script) you have been chosen ....
So just to confirm, then, I'm extremely lucky, yes ?
Oh yes, extremely lucky (chuckles), you have been chosen to receive a fantastic new mobile telephone contract. Can I ask you how much you currently pay for your mobile phone ?
Yes.
(Pause)........... Well ?
Well what ?
Can I ask you how much you currently pay for your mobile phone ?
Yes, you can ask.
How much is it then ?
Per month or per year ?
Per month ?
(As boldly as possible) Two hundred pounds a month.
Two hundred pounds a month ?
Yes. (again, as boldly as possible) Two hundred pounds a month.
So I am right in saying that you are currently paying two hundred pounds a month for you mobile phone.
Yes.
Can I ask you how many free minutes you get with that ?
Yes.
(Another pause, but clearly learning)......... OK, how many free minutes do you get with that, please ?
(Again, as proudly as possible) None.
You don't get any free minutes with your mobile ?
No.
Ok. With our contract you get ....
But I never call anybody.
Sorry ?
I never use the phone.
Ok. With our contract you get .....
I'm bed bound, what do I need a phone for ?
To call your friends & family.
I don't have any friends and my family all hate me.
Sorry ?
I don't have any friends and my family all hate me.
Ok. With our contract you get ......
You see, I weigh over 400lbs and I can't get out of bed.
Ok. With our contract .....(caller then starts 60 second spiel of how many minutes you get with their phone company, what type of phones you can choose from, the benefits of camera phones, monthly charges etc etc etc.)
Pardon.
Sorry ?
Pardon.
Sorry ?
I didn't catch that, I'm a bit hard of hearing. Can you repeat those details please, but a bit louder ?
OK .....(caller then repeats entire 60 second spiel of how many minutes you get with their phone company, what type of phones you can choose from, the benefits of camera phones, monthly charges etc etc etc exactly word for word.)
(Pause) Ok.
So what do you think ?
About what ?
About our phones ?
Why do I need a camera phone ?
To take pictures of all your family and friends.
But I've just told you, I weigh over 400lbs, I can't get out of bed, I don't have any friends and my family all hate me.
Ok.
But you think I'm really lucky ?
Oh yes.
So just to confirm then, ....
Yes ....
I weigh over 400lbs, I can't get out of bed, I'm a bit deaf, I don't have any friends and my family all hate me. On top of that I'm clearly paying well over the odds for a mobile phone that I never use ?
Yes.
But you think that I'm extremely lucky ?
(Pause) ..... (Click)
And the week before that, come to think of it .....
But the next time, you're quick, you answer it and there's a human voice at the other end of the line:
Hello, how are you today ? Am I speaking to ******* ******* ?
Now, normally, you would politely advise the caller that you don't have the time and you're not interested. You might even remember filling in your details on-line to stop getting these type of calls, but this has obviously not worked. Either that or you've forgotten to tick the box on one of the many forms completed in the last few months. Usually, without any further conversation, you would say "Bye" and hang up.
Job done ?
No !
Within 2 weeks, you get a similar call from a slightly different number with exactly the same script.
Hello, how are you today ? Am I speaking to ******* ******* ?
Blah blah blah.
Next time, try this tack. It does take slightly longer, but since I went down this road, I've not had a single return call. Sometimes you have to invest a bit of time in order to save time later on. The following is an exact transcript of a phone conversation I had with one of these mobile phone monkeys a few weeks back .....
Company: Hello, how are you today ? Am I speaking to ******** ******** ?
Me: Yes you are, and to whom am I speaking ? (Straight off the script)
Sorry ?
To whom am I speaking ?
(Gives name quickly, but then straight back on track) I am calling today because you are very lucky, you ......
(Interrupting) How lucky am I ?
Sorry ?
You said I was very lucky
Yes
Well, is that extremely lucky, or just mildly fortunate ?
Oh, extremely lucky, any way ....(back to script) you have been chosen ....
So just to confirm, then, I'm extremely lucky, yes ?
Oh yes, extremely lucky (chuckles), you have been chosen to receive a fantastic new mobile telephone contract. Can I ask you how much you currently pay for your mobile phone ?
Yes.
(Pause)........... Well ?
Well what ?
Can I ask you how much you currently pay for your mobile phone ?
Yes, you can ask.
How much is it then ?
Per month or per year ?
Per month ?
(As boldly as possible) Two hundred pounds a month.
Two hundred pounds a month ?
Yes. (again, as boldly as possible) Two hundred pounds a month.
So I am right in saying that you are currently paying two hundred pounds a month for you mobile phone.
Yes.
Can I ask you how many free minutes you get with that ?
Yes.
(Another pause, but clearly learning)......... OK, how many free minutes do you get with that, please ?
(Again, as proudly as possible) None.
You don't get any free minutes with your mobile ?
No.
Ok. With our contract you get ....
But I never call anybody.
Sorry ?
I never use the phone.
Ok. With our contract you get .....
I'm bed bound, what do I need a phone for ?
To call your friends & family.
I don't have any friends and my family all hate me.
Sorry ?
I don't have any friends and my family all hate me.
Ok. With our contract you get ......
You see, I weigh over 400lbs and I can't get out of bed.
Ok. With our contract .....(caller then starts 60 second spiel of how many minutes you get with their phone company, what type of phones you can choose from, the benefits of camera phones, monthly charges etc etc etc.)
Pardon.
Sorry ?
Pardon.
Sorry ?
I didn't catch that, I'm a bit hard of hearing. Can you repeat those details please, but a bit louder ?
OK .....(caller then repeats entire 60 second spiel of how many minutes you get with their phone company, what type of phones you can choose from, the benefits of camera phones, monthly charges etc etc etc exactly word for word.)
(Pause) Ok.
So what do you think ?
About what ?
About our phones ?
Why do I need a camera phone ?
To take pictures of all your family and friends.
But I've just told you, I weigh over 400lbs, I can't get out of bed, I don't have any friends and my family all hate me.
Ok.
But you think I'm really lucky ?
Oh yes.
So just to confirm then, ....
Yes ....
I weigh over 400lbs, I can't get out of bed, I'm a bit deaf, I don't have any friends and my family all hate me. On top of that I'm clearly paying well over the odds for a mobile phone that I never use ?
Yes.
But you think that I'm extremely lucky ?
(Pause) ..... (Click)
posted by Lucky Col at
1:24 PM
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