Cows and Politics

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows, the State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows, the State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows, the State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows, the State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell your herd and retire on the profit.

SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.


GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.


SPANISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. Tomorrow you apply for a European grant for 500 cows.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 30 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows, both are mad.

ISRAELI CORPORATION
You have lots of very strong, powerful cows, but still feel the need to send your cows to visit your neighbour and kick seven shades of cow pat out of his little calf.

IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are a Democracy.

WELSH CORPORATION:
You have two cows, the one on the left looks very attractive