Thank you

As previewed earlier in the week, last night was spent in the company of Mr Stanley Victor Collymore.

I like football pundits who add something to the commentary. Alan Hansen is a bugger for simply describing exactly what has just happened. I can see what has just happened, Alan, I want to know why, what sort of training techniques went into a move, what anecdotes can you tell us over & above the gutter press stories. Stan falls distinctly into this category (Pat Nevin is another), his comments are frank, honest (sometimes almost painfully too honest) and come with an air of someone who does their homework, who gets around training grounds and keeps up to date. If the media is Stan's new profession, he's making a very good job of it.

The first half of the evening involved Stan in conversation with Darren Fletcher, who used to be Garry Birtles minder on that radio station no-one listened to, before landing himself probably my dream job of getting paid to talk about football. Jammy bastard. All good stuff.

An example of Stan's honesty comes from the question "His biggest regret". In a room full of Forest fans it would have been so easy to say 'leaving Forest'. But no, not succeeding at Villa, his home town club, was his biggest. It's when someone can be this honest that it doesn't matter whether you agree with everything they say, you are just happy to hear their opinion.

So, a half time pint before the second half and questions from the audience.

It was at this point that it started to get a little bit strange ......

I know who reads this stuff, there are about half a dozen regulars from around the world and about half a dozen more who dip in every couple of months or so, but I know who they all are. Never did I realise that Mr Collymore himself had not only read my little preview, but had printed it off for use in the act.

The first question in the second half was:

Who's Lucky Col ?

Oh shit.

I don't like performing, so being asked to get up on stage was a touch uncomfortable. I think the Mallard's may have helped. I had to stand there while Mr Collymore read out the whole piece, all of it, including my waste of talent opinion (gulp). He answered the "How thick is Jason McAteer ?" question by telling everyone Jason's nick-name at Liverpool was Trigger, but was more interested in the final question:

To get on in Hollywood, Sean Bean had to put on an OxBridge accent. How does Stan think he can break Hollywood sounding like Benny from Crossroads ?

A fair question, I thought. He was more interested in what my voice sounded like, and we were going to find out by me singing "You've lost that Loving Feeling" in front of the fairly large crowd.

And it was a fairly large crowd. For me at any rate. Certainly the biggest I've ever performed in front of. Because, you see, I can honestly say that, at the tender age of 39, I've never ever ever, not once, not even one tiny bit, ever, sang Karaoke. Partly because I don't want to, but mainly because I know I can't sing for toffee.

So, there we were, Stan (I think I can call him Stan from now on) & I duetting on the Forest anthem. The not-so-Righteous Brothers.

So, thank you Stan for giving us a cracking evening's entertainment.

Thank you for helping me continue my fantastic start to the year.

Thank you for taking my gibbering rantings in the good nature they were originally written.

Thank you for Peterborough.

Thank you for picking yourself up when others less strong would have simply folded.

Thank you for opening yourself to us, and others, to help or simply entertain.

And thank you for being my first, and let's be honest only, singing partner.