Doncaster nil 0:0 Forest nil

A cold night in the South Yorkshire air bore witness to the footballing equivalent of Sumo wrestling, all huff & puff but with neither side having any chance of scoring all night.

Quite what Calderwoodout has to do to get Christmas off I don't know.

We passed the ball around nicely for 30 seconds at the start of the second half, but apart from that it was clueless, aimless b******s from start to finish.

Fortunately we were playing a Doncaster side that's only managed to score 3 (ONLY THREE !!!!) home goals all season, so for Forest to claim credit for their clean sheet is a bit like me claiming any credit for the fact that it gets dark earlier in December.

Lee Camp nearly gifted all three points to Doncaster twice, and still they couldn't score, so they're as f***ed as we are.

But that's scant consolation.

There were a few good points. We got to park in the ground itself. Bonus. A decent pint in a nearby Travel Lodge Inn type place. Bonus. Bumping into an old school friend before the game. Another bonus.

Oh, and knowing where the ground is for next season's League One clash.

Forest 1:2 Norwich - No credit where no credit’s due

Just recently we’ve been better. A battling win at Palace, decent points in the last three games and all with decent performances had me going down Trent Side on Saturday with more than a hint of optimism. 4-1 was my prediction Saturday before the game, and during the first half only their goal-keeper kept the score-line away from that fanciful notion.

Fair play to the Norwich fans who turned up in force on a cold Saturday for a televised game. Back in the day when you could just pay at the door rather than already having shelled out for a £25 ticket, more away fans may have been tempted to stay at home pleasuring their sisters, but they would have missed out. I originally thought they’d brought loads more, until I realised most of them were stewards.

Ten minutes in and it was clear what was Forest’s ONE AND ONLY tactic; hit Tyson. Lumping aimlessly long balls to a man devoid of any confidence whatsoever is not my idea of a tactic, more a throw back to a more miserable, uncultured age. If I’d wanted to watch aimless hoofing the ball in the air, I’d have stayed in and watched the rugby.

Fortunately for Forest, a decent pass on the floor to Tyson led to the turning point of the game. At nil nil, we’d got a point, but with Norwich’s captain and best centre half taking the long walk for a last-man foul, surely the game was there for the taking.

You’d think so, wouldn’t you ?

Almost predictably, Forest playing against ten men was only going to result in one thing, a Norwich goal. More useless defending on the left, another loose ball bobbling around the box and there we are, one nil down. Cue the booing and a mass exodus for an early half time pint.

Some of the Norwich fans decided to celebrate going in front by displaying their torsos to the rest of the crowd. Worryingly for them, you couldn’t tell these jaundiced souls apart from the rest of the yellow clad visitors. That’s East Anglian inbreeding for you, I suppose.

It was only going to take a keeping mistake for Forest to score and so it came to pass, Andy Marshall’s slip allowing Paul Anderson to roll the ball into the net for his well deserved first goal for the club.

So, a half time team talk, a decent first half of which we’d had by far the better and all against a team tiring with ten men. A doddle, surely.

The second half has to be the worst I have seen Forest play in years, and over the last decade or so, there’s been some serious competition. McCleary, who is McClearly not good enough for this league, came on for the injured Thornhill and it was downhill from there. From my vantage point in the upper tier, I didn’t have a clue who was playing where, and it was also obvious that neither did any of the players. Our centre forward, Joe Garner, was running around in midfield a lot, the long balls to Tyson had been replaced by long balls to their goalkeeper and any short passes where simply going astray. Kelvin Wilson’s centre half skills book has been tampered with, the section on “For the love of Clough, you shouldn’t let the ball bounce in dangerous positions” has been tampered with, the “n’t” tippexed out, leading to widespread confusion, poor defending and an even more predictable Norwich winner.

We haven’t had a stupid goal conceded against us for a couple of weeks now, so cue man-of-the-match Chris Cohen shinning one into his own net from 8 yards. Yes, the man who scored the own goal to lose us the game was our MAN OF THE F***ING MATCH. What the f**k does that say about the f***ing rest of them ???????

We ended the game a goal down, at home, against a team with ten men playing 4-5-1. F**k me.

So what has Calderwoodout learned from the last month or so ? F***ing nothing, that’s what. He plays 4-4-2, we do all right, and suddenly he thinks he’s Alex f***ing Fergusson. We were doing all right in the first half on Saturday, it was just their keeper keeping them in it, we’ll get days like that, just send the team out for the second half and tell them to carry on and their rewards will inevitably come.

But to change it around and then ultimately lose against a poor team like Norwich, who themselves will still be bothering the relegation struggle come April, with ten men, is downright f***ing criminal.

I said we’d need 20 points from the next 10 games to show we’d be safe, and to start it’d be a point at Bristol and three at home to Norwich. Saturday for me is 3 points dropped, especially under the circumstances, so as far as I’m concerned it’s now 19 points from 8.

Anything other than a win (and probably a decent big win) at Doncaster on Tuesday and we’ll be right back in the s**t.

Blatant plug

Alexi Sayle has a new book out, buy it here, or wait for a few months for the paper-back version.

If you haven't read any other of Alexi Sayles Stuff, here's a link to one of his short stories, Barcelona Plates. Read it all the way through to the end, trust me.

Enjoy.

Forest 1:1 Brum

Again, no knee jerk reaction from me, leaving it nearly a week to comment on the latest Tricky Tree performance.

And what a good performance it was too. Brum probably had the better of the first 20 minutes, but after that it was pretty much all one way traffic.

The only difference in the first half was a class player, McFadden, and to be honest he clearly doesn't want to poncing about in the second division anymore. But the same could be said for most of the Birmingham players, seemingly intent on late-tackling, diving and arguing their way into the referees book to book their early baths.

It's probably too early in proceedings to say whether the poor start to the season will cost us at the end, but I feel if we carry on playing like that every week, we'll be more than fine in this league.

The problem will come when we lose again and the fans will be on the players, and manager's, backs and how we respond.

5 points from Palace & Derby away and Brum at home is certainly more than I thought we'd get, and probably more than we'd have taken at the start of the season if offered.

But the next ten games up until the New Year are all important. Doncaster twice, Barnsley at home, Norwich twice and Blackpool at home are all games we should be winning in our current form, so 18 - 20 points over that ten game period is what we should be aiming for.

Anything significantly less than that and we'll be struggling again.

If you're going to pretend you weren't involved in the robbery of a bookies .....

..... dont get caught on CCTV outside the shop talking to the men who took the money.

You numpties.

From the Nottingham Evening Post

That well known bastian of equality

A BBC presenter has been fired for telling a taxi firm not to send an Asian driver to pick up her daughter.

At least the BBC get one sacking right, not having to wait before they get tens of thousands of complaints from people who've never even heard of this nasty piece of work.

Reading the transcript, she comes out with two of the more common petty racist cards, the:

"I'm not a racist, I've got black friends" card (“She’s not racist – her godparents are black.”)

And the standard; "I'm not being racist, but ....." (“I know this sounds really racist, but I’m not being”) which is pretty much usually followed by the kind of bile that should get you fired from any job.

But the thing that gets me about this isn't that what has happened is obviously wrong, isn't that the BBC are completely right in sacking the stupid bitch, but that someone, ANYONE, when faced with this sort of behaviour makes a conscience decision to send the offending tape to, of all places, the f***ing Sun newspaper, well known for its equality, sense of fair play and righteous truth.

While it's good to know that the Sun is moving in the right direction, at least you know where their priorities lie. A click to their homepage reveals that, while this story is certainly a moral winner, people who read the Sun would be more interested in the following:

Docs cocked up my willy op

Naked wrestling shocks students

Kerry Katona's surgeon has warned: Stop smoking or your nipples could fall off

Coming soon on Bravo

Danny Dyer’s World’s Most Dangerous Monks

Cor blimey, strike a light, look at that, he's given him a right good slappin' and no mistake. He's a bit of a naughty one, that one.

(From the BBC)

Just in case you'd forgotten .....

..... how funny football can be sometimes:



Or how good it can feel to watch a game live:

Lets go back to the middle ages, then, shall we ?

From the BBC:

MP calls for Clarkson to lose job

A Labour MP has written to the BBC insisting Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson is sacked for a recent joke he made on the BBC show about prostitutes.

Ipswich MP Chris Mole called the remark a "dismissible offence". Five women working as prostitutes were murdered in his Ipswich constituency in 2006.

Clarkson, 48, was taking part in a driving task, when he joked about lorry drivers killing sex workers.

Over 500 people complained to the BBC about the comments.

'Clear expectations'

Steve Wright, 50, was jailed for life in February after being found guilty of murdering the five women in Suffolk.

Clarkson made the joke while taking part in a lorry-driving task on Sunday's edition of Top Gear on BBC Two.

"Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day," he said.

In response to complaints earlier in the week, the BBC said: "The vast majority of Top Gear viewers have clear expectations of Jeremy Clarkson's long-established and frequently provocative on-screen persona.

"This particular reference was used to comically exaggerate, and make ridiculous, an unfair urban myth about the world of lorry driving, and was not intended to cause offence."

Bloody hell, what is this country coming to ? Firstly two edgy comedians, alright, a flashy chat show host & someone with no discernable talent, make edgy comments about a specific individual, and are rightly slapped on the wrist. The fact that Russell 'famous for bugger all' Brand resigns hides the fact that he only does two hours a week at the BBC anyway and his Hollywood film career is just setting off. Whooppee do, big loss for him.

There must have been thousands of people who were just too slightly late to jump on that particular band-wagon.

But not to worry, the best thing about witch-hunts is there's always another just round the corner.

Step forward Mr Clarkson.

I personally hate cars, hate tories and hate people who oppose speed cameras. But I love Top Gear. Don't know why, always have done. Maybe it's because of the hosts, who knows. I don't hate lorry drivers and still don't. I think what Jeremy Clarkson said was funny, but it won't make me change my mind about lorry drivers, why should it ?

But for this jumped up little nobody demanding that someone lose their job for, what is basically, doing their job beggars belief.

Why don't we just have done with it, pick people at random, and try them for being witches ? Paint crosses on peoples doors. We could have dunking stools in Market Square, and old crones on the front row knitting.

What next, human sacrifices to sun gods ?

Mind you, it's hard work being an MP, to paraphrase Mr Clarkson:

"Don't vote, don't vote, read mail, shag a rent boy, don't vote, don't vote, shag. That's a lot of effort in a day,"

You couldn't write stuff like that

After a decent team effort & a thoroughly deserved victory at Crystal Palace last Tuesday, on comes the small matter of the sheep. I’d have taken a draw at the start of the game, but boy would I have taken a point AND a comedic refereeing performance thrown in for good measure.

The first half was largely uneventful, save for Joe Garner getting under the skins of the D***y centre halves. Forest had a goal (incorrectly, as it turned out) disallowed, but to be fair, the D***y goalkeeper & defenders had stopped for the whistle. This meant nothing in an otherwise typical cut-and-thrust-derby first 45 minutes, but in hindsight ………

Forest came out in the second half and were transformed. Heavy possession turned into chances, chances turned into corners which eventually turned into the opening goal. Our plucky Irish centre forward, Owen Goal, picking up where he left off at Palace. And Preston. And Wolves. Four for the season makes him our top scorer, and best of all, he didn’t cost us anything.

D***y’s equaliser will go down as bad defending. Or offside, depending on which side of the pitch you were stood. Ex film star Emmanuel Villa miscontrolling the ball home from a shockingly bad Bubbles Devere free-kick. The linesman who was so keen to raise his flag in the first half suddenly coming down with a case of ‘arm-lock’, impeding his ability to stick his flag where he should, either in the air or where the sun don’t shine.

Lewis McGugan then showed the kind of spirit sadly missing from this derby, and football in general, as he cleanly won a loose ball in midfield. When I was a lad, he’d have won the ball, lit a woodbine and stroked the ball to the outside right, all to rapturous applause from all four sides of the ground. In this day and age all he got was first use of the Jojoba conditioner in the centrally heated jacuzzi in the dressing room.

Into injury time and a point seemed a fair result for both sides. Forest defending deep with ten men, D***y launching balls into the stand at every opportunity.

You couldn’t write what followed, and if you did, Sylvester Stallone would have to play the lead roll.

A cross from the right is beaten away, but only back to where it came, another cross, a short looping clearance is headed home by a D***y inbred. But no, the referee is pointing somewhere other than the centre circle, and no-one quite knows where, maybe not even the referee at this point. It’s a penalty !!! Several Forest players surround the referee for an age, but not the goalkeeper. Cut to a replay, the ball has hit Luke Chambers just above the knee.

Now, when I went to school, that area was called your “thigh”. Stuart Atwell must have missed that particular class as he thought that area is now called your “hand”.

Cut back to the ball on the spot, Lee Camp on his line nursing a yellow card. He wasn’t even arguing. Ah well.

Bubbles Devere obviously didn’t fancy taking the penalty against his schoolboy heroes, but Lee Camp obviously didn’t mind saving it. Cue delirium in my sitting room and the red corner of S***e Park. He’s still got some work to do from the resulting corner which he again saves well, pushing the ball round the opposite post. Surely there’s not long to play now. The corner comes over, a crisp header and the balls in the back of the net. 2-1. It even says so on the screen. 2-1, in big blue and yellow numbers. 2-1.

Now, I’ve Sky plussed this moment back and forth maybe twenty, twenty-five times, and can I see anything wrong with the goal ? Can I buggery.

Two Forest players run up the other end of the pitch, but Owen Goal has long since given up and besides, the referee still hasn’t decided why he disallowed the goal, so how could we have taken the free-kick. Play restarts and play ends to a chorus of boos & whistles from the pitch-fork carrying Neanderthals.

So, the game ends in farce, but more importantly, another away point. Maybe, just maybe, the corner is being turned. Fingers crossed.

Obviously Paul Jewell isn’t happy, and that goes for most of the pond-life from the marsh land the other side of the M1.

But you know what ?

That just makes it funnier.

No trouble

No doubt down to all the police around Pride Park, but this from the Nottingham Evening Post sums up the way true Forest fans behave today:

Nottingham Forest's match at Derby trouble free

There have been no reported incidents of violence either before or during Nottingham Forest's clash at Derby County. Police had sent letters to Forest fans with a history of football-related violence warning them to stay away from the Pride Park clash. But no problems have been reported so far, a Derbyshire Police spokesman said. The game, which finished 1-1, was the first time the teams had met in a competitive game for nearly four years.

However, 12 miles down the road, at the Notts County v Bury game, the following:

Football fans smash pub window

A GROUP of football fans smashed a pub window when they were refused entry. It happened at the Globe pub, in London Road, Nottingham, after the Notts County vs Bury game on Saturday.

Just to let the Evening Post know, and for future reference, the correct term for a group of Notts County fans is a PAIR.