Lucky Col
Dance as though nobody's watching, love like it's never going to hurt

Saturday, March 29, 2008

A picture paints a thousand words

Pictures from the always excellent 'Through the Seasons Before Us' blog.

It's no bad thing to go away from home to a team above you in the league and come away with a narrow defeat. But when you do it without creating ONE F***ING SINGLE EFFORT ON TARGET, that is so far from acceptable, as to render mere words irrelevant.

The time to go has, unfortunately, gone. We WILL be playing third division football next season.

But at least it'll be better than the fifth rate s**t we've had to put up with this year.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Gareth Hunt

Got to admit a secret fetish of mine.

For some unknown reason, I love The Apprentice on BBC.

Having gone through my own set of (admittedly less strenuous) interviews recently, I know how they feel.

Actually, not being embedded up my own a**e, I have no idea how they feel.

One of the main reasons I watch it, apart from smugly acknowledging that having a private education hasn't left me as an intellectually stunted moron, is counting up the Gareth Hunt moments in the program.

The number of times I look at one of the participants on the screen and make a hand gesture indicating I've got some coffee beans in my hand.

For the record, Wednesday night was 3 on the "Gareth-Hunt o'meter"

And if anyone can find me a link to the classic Gareth Hunt motion, rather than the more subtle Diane Keen version below, I'll be very grateful.

It's Friday, oh yes

A bit of early '90's indie-pop to start off with, always a favourite on the NewsHouse jukebox:

Family Cat - Steamroller

Not a great deal out there at the moment, but this is worth a listen:

We are Scientists - After Hours

And I'm currently waiting for the delivery of the new REM album, as well as a long awaited new James CD:

James - Waltzing Along

Nottingham Forest Supporters Trust ?

I had the following message on my Facebook account from someone trying to set up a supporters trust at Nottingham Forest

Do you care about the future of Nottm Forest?

Would you like to:
- Encourage the club to take proper account of the interests of its supporters and the community it serves?
- Develop a formalised and structured relationship with the club?
- Strengthen bonds between club and communities?
- Give supporters collectively the opportunity to acquire and have a stake in the club?

If you answered yes to any of th eabove, please join us at the public meeting and vote for the establishment of a SUPPORTERS TRUST for Nottingham Forest at:

Brailsford Way, Chillwell, NG9 6DL

Monday 21st April at 7.30PM

For further information visit

There is also a good write up about it at 'Through the Seasons Before Us...'.

In my own humble opinion, there wouldn't be a clammer for this kind of involvement if the club was in a period of success. During the glory days under Clough, how many supporters knew, or cared, what the managerial set-up was behind the scenes. Only when the on-field aspects have faltered has there been a desire to change the fundamental ownership of the club.

I personally don't believe the club fails its supporters or the general community. Sure there are issues around ticketing, catering, over-zealous stewarding, but I'm sure they're not any more than at other clubs, and as a supporter of over 35 years, I've seen the 'supporters as cattle' state we were in in the mid to late eighties which led to the rise in fanzines, supporters organisations and trusts of this nature. Certainly those dark days don't exist any more.

There simply isn't a sugar daddy to bail out the club. While Nigel Doughty has his knockers, it cannot be argued that without him, we may not have a club to support at all. You can argue that some of his managerial decisions have been a bit dodgy, but all of them in clear 20:20 hindsight. He might not have invested the money at the right times, again in hindsight, but he always stated that he wasn't prepared to gamble the future of the club again. Eric Barnes & David Pratt any one ?

Anyone who remembers the share floatation will remember what people got for their £700. A nice piece of paper worth precisely bugger all to hang on their wall. A days wages to the modern footballer, but a big wodge for your average fan, all for no return.

To me this is simply a knee-jerk reaction to the sudden & quite recent realisation that next season we'll be playing at the same level as Peterborough, MK Dons & Darlington.

A sudden Calderwood inspired run could see us at Fulham, Sunderland & Derby next season, although that would be as likely as me staying sober in Belfast next weekend.

Or as likely as the Supporters Trust getting past the "shouting in a hotel room off the M1" stage next month.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Dull dull dull

If there's one thing worse than watching Forest at the moment, it's watching England. The golden generation of underachievers is finally ebbing away, replaced by players who really shouldn't be gracing an international field, let alone carrying the huge weight of English expectation into the next World Cup.

Can you really see the likes of Stuart Downing, Wes Brown, David Bentley with World Cup winners medals round their necks ? In the same league as Geoff Hurst, Bobby Moore, Gordon Banks ?

No, no and would you believe, no.

Yet that is what we are expected to believe.

We haven't qualified for the Euros this summer, and on last nights evidence against France, it's a b****y good job, otherwise it'd be Germany '88 all over again.

No width, no penetration, no ideas, no speed of attack, too many passes going backwards or astray, no ball control, a really really poor performance all round.

The SKY commentators tried to find excuses, citing their own 'Grand Slam Sunday' as a reason why some of the players from the top four didn't perform, forgetting for a moment that there were some notable French players in the same boat, all be it in a different class.

All in all, outplayed by an injury hit French squad. Marvelous.

Plus, the only pub in Basford that seems to have SKY any more is the Fox on Valley Road, a poor excuse for a pub, with poor beer and freezing cold toilets.

And to top things off, we had to put up with that know-nothing a**e David Pratt as summariser.

"I've got a question for David in a moment" said Martin Tyler, at the start of the second half.

Indeed. I've got a few questions I'd like to ask Mr Pratt myself, if he'd like to pop round my house for a few hours.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Warning - Blatant Monty Python rip-off alert

Had a chilled evening in the other night watching my favourite film, Dr Zhivago, on DVD for the first time. After getting my head round the fact that the DVD was double sided (which is why it didn't have a picture on it, der), navigating Omar Sherif's introduction and the musical interludes that pop up every hour or so, we settled down for over three hours of the best love story ever told.

Skip to last night and again we settled down to watch a film, this time Shirley Valentine (it's a long story, why we were watching Shirley Valentine, not Shirley Valentine itself). Not Shirley Valentine on DVD, oh no, but on video. You remember video ? Big black cassette things with bits of chewable tape inside ? Look like door-stops ?

The video needed plugging into the back of the TV with one of those round aerial cable things. Where was the SCART lead ? Round ?

Needless to say, the digital TV hadn't been tuned for manual channels, so in went the tape followed by half an hour of fiddling with the menu buttons on the side of the TV to find the 'auto-tune' option.

Can you remember having to tune your TV to pick up BBC1 ? Nope ? Me neither.

Of course the TV remote control didn't work, the batteries have long since run out. Not used, you see, not since cable TV came along.

So with the auto-tune eventually running, it found the video channel (which would have rendered Channel 5 unwatchable, big loss, eh ?) and we settled down to watch the film.

The tape needed rewinding, the last person who watched the film obviously got bored around the time Joanna Lumley professed to being a prostitute, so more delay as the tape wound its way back to the start.

Press the play button on the video (its controller didn't work either, obviously) and away we go.

Except we didn't. A bit of static to start with, followed by a shaky grey screen and then bingo, words. Words about where we could, and more importantly, where we couldn't play the tape. Nowhere did it mention the hassle of setting up a digital TV to watch the damn thing, but being nearly 20 years old, it wouldn't know what digital TV was, would it ?

And then the adverts, Ghost, soon to video. Ghost ? I remember going to the pictures to see that, seeing it on BBC1, then BBC2 late at night followed by a week long running on UK Gold. It's so old it doesn't even get there now. Maybe Channel 5 will have it.

Where's the 'menu' option ? Where's the 'play movie' now choice ?

20 minutes to set up the TV followed by 10 minutes of late 80's movie trailers before getting to Pauline Collins talking to her wall.

If you can remember going to Fox's, or the paper-shop on Ainsley Estate to rent out videos, that's how it used to be every time.

And if you tell the kids of today that, they won't believe you.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Just in time for Easter Weekend, the beach at Blackpool gets a new donkey

Grant Holt goes on loan to Blackpool (From the Forest official site)

Got to feel sorry for Grant Holt, Calderwood putting him out on the left wing obviously made for a ........

What am I talking about ?

He couldn't control a ball, he couldn't cross a ball, he'd got a bigger turning circle than the QE2 and he is still one of the very few professional footballers that make me look like Twiggy.

And I mean the model, not the inbred-unfunny-face-for-radio moron off of 96 Trent FM (*).

If rumours are true, Calderwood's shiner at least shows Holt got at least one thing on target this season, and let's face it, only an idiot wouldn't put a bet on Holt getting Blackpool's first goal this weekend, but we really are best shot of the great lumbering buffoon.

But I guarantee this will come back to haunt us at some point.

I'll give it less than a week before Nathan Tyson's season ends through injury.

(*)And why is it 96 Trent FM ?

  • Is 96 the number of listeners they get ?

  • Are these 96 listeners too stupid to remember the frequency without having it rammed down their throats every two minutes ?

  • Is it the number of adverts per hour ?

  • Or, and this is more probably the case, is the average IQ of a 96 Trent FM listener somewhere between 9 and 6 ?

  • Sport Relief - Thank You

    A big thank you to everyone who sponsored us for Sport Relief.

    It was very very cold and very very windy, but the run warmed all three of us up so there were no complaints.

    So far we raised £121, which is a fantastic amount. You can still donate on our behalf if you like (click here).


    Wednesday, March 19, 2008

    Wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG

    This is so so wrong. (From the BBC)

    A Newcastle couple have found a unique way of keeping their beloved dead pets close to their hearts - by having the dog hair made into woolly jumpers.

    Beth and Brian Willis lost their white Samoyed, called Kara, 12 years ago and Swedish Lapphund, Penny, in 2002.

    After seeing a picture of Princess Diana wearing a dog fur stole at Crufts, they collected thousands of dog hairs from brushes and carpets.

    The pair said the his and hers dog memorials were "warm and waterproof".

    Mr Willis, who worked for Pickfords Removals for 27 years, wears his doggy jumper into town every Saturday to do the weekly shop.

    The 73-year-old said: "They are extremely warm and pretty much waterproof. I've always got a sweat on by the time I get from the bus to the shops."

    And their justification for this ?

    "..... it seems very normal to us".

    Normal ?

    Normal ?

    Picking up your dog's hairs and knitting them into jumpers, f***ing normal ?

    He's quite happy sweating into his plush dog hair jumper in the journey from the bus to the shops, but presumably he's got to make the return journey back on his bus, stinking of sweated up dog hair. He'll be easy to pick out, he'll be the one sniffing other passengers a***s while licking his own knackers.

    Bagsy me not sat next to the stinking-dog-haired-wearing-lunatic.


    From the BBC:

    Be on the look-out for a large bear shaped animal, probably a bear, on the run in Macedonia.

    Sentenced in its absence, presumably because his court suit was at the cleaners, or his knackered conveys weren't mucky enough.

    Sometimes the taste of honey just isn't worth it.

    Anti Social Bear Order

    Wednesday, March 12, 2008

    And now tell me something I don't already know .....

    Hat-tip to Never Trust a Hippy, although he got it from somewhere else, you know how these things work.


    Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

    Tuesday, March 11, 2008

    What a cock

    Like every club, Forest has its fair share of cocks that follow them, especially the younger ones, brought up on tales from the 70's & 80's from even bigger cocks too f***ing stupid to realise that, despite spending a shed-load of their hard earned wages on designer s**t from Paul Smith's, they still looked like cocks even then.

    Take this cock for example (from the Evening Post), waving a fluorescent light bulb around like a kid playing with a toy light-sabre.

    He'll get a banning order, an alcohol problem (to go with his addiction to Burberry baseball-caps) and then spend every Saturday afternoon in the pub telling stories to wannabee cocks about the 'battles' he's been in, despite the fact that the nearest he's ever been to fight was with his eyes shut waving around a broken light-bulb on a train imagining himself in a galaxy far far away.

    What a prize cock.

    Sport Relief - This Sunday March 16

    Just a reminder that Sport Relief is back, and to raise money (and if I can stay out of the toilet long enough, damn winter "d & v" virus), my two boys will be dragging my aging, creaking bones round Trent Embankment.

    If you would like to make it worth their while, please sponsor them by clicking here.

    To find out more about Sport Relief, click here.

    Thank you.

    Friday, March 07, 2008

    Colin Calderwood in 'learns from mistake' shock

    From the Forest official site:

    Nottingham Forest have completed the signing of Preston striker Brett Ormerod on loan for the remainder of the season.

    I remember he had a fantastic scoring record with Blackpool a few years back before a big move to Southampton. He's disappeared a bit since then, hampered by injuries, so can he still cut it at our pitiful level ? Only time will tell.

    But one things for sure, he doesn't exactly look ecstatic to be here, does he ?

    Ear worm #14

    Ear worm #13

    Ear worm #12

    Tuesday, March 04, 2008

    Forest 0:1 Carlisle

    Monday night football meant a quick wash & change and a traffic beating rush down to The Boat Club saw us at the bar before 6.


    Unfortunately, that was going to be the last bonus of the evening.

    Again, Forest decided to use the opportunity given to them from SKY to finally show the world what they were capable of, by instead, reminding the world what a bunch of spineless, gutless losers they are and have been for years.

    Plenty of reports elsewhere, so I won't bore you with how Carlisle started brightly in both halves, only for Forest to come into the ascendancy with clueless & slow "attacking" football. A goal-keeping error from the usually very good Paul Smith cost us a point, but that was all we were going to get all night, once again a mediocre club figuring out that all you need to do is put ten men behind the ball and we're f***ed. Calderwood really doesn't have a clue how to break down a stubborn defence.

    Carlisle get a first minute corner, Junior Agogo waits on the edge of the centre circle before being waved back to defend by Calderwood the Clown. Eleven men behind the ball, at home, first minute of a must win promotion battle. Bugger me.

    While I firmly blame Calderwood (pictured, right)for our current position of 4th, 5 points off a top two place, there were certain player aspects of last night's game that warrant further investigation.

    Paul Smith was completely at fault for the goal, but let's face it, he's saved us more than his fair share of points this season, so surely he can be let off one mistake. But, if you look at his evening as a whole, the goal was an accident just waiting to happen. The first minute corner conceded by Perch should have been met by his keeper patting his back, lifting him up. Nothing. His distribution was thankfully short most of the time, but with his feet, jeez, aimless doesn't cover it. Even in the pre-match huddle, he looked far from interested. There's something else going on there.

    James Perch isn't a right back, and never will be. And you can't get forward as a full back playing a 4-3-3 formation, Calderwood you clown.

    Why bring on a young lad with absolutely no league experience at all, out of position, with less than ten minutes to go, when we're a goal down ? Because we've got no experienced strikers on the bench, that's why. And why haven't we got any decent strikers on the bench ? Because Calderwood the Clown didn't buy / loan one in the January transfer window, despite making exactly the same f***ing mistake last season.

    Junior Agogo has come back from the African Cup of Nations obviously thinking he's better than he is. Don't get me wrong, he runs his proverbials off every game, so fair play, but he's already at the peak of his career so he should just be happy where he is, enjoy the sun on his back at international level and rejoice in his chosen career. Premier League, don't make me laugh. If anyone offers the £2.5m bandied around in the papers, snap their arms AND legs off.

    Grant Holt also thinks he's better than he is, it's just that Grant Holt thinks he's s**t. And he's wrong. He's worse. He shouldn't be wearing a Forest shirt at all. In a striker crisis, by all means play him. Up front. Why do we have possibly the best left winger outside the Premiership playing up front, with a fat, useless cart-horse out wide ? Why do we then have a winger who ripped us to shreds in front of live TV cameras as recently as May sitting on the bench ? What kind of message does that give him ?

    Chris Cohen bottling out of a tackle in the left back position allowing the Carlisle right back a free-run into the box. Poor.

    Kris Commons deciding about half an hour too late to chase a ball heading out for a throw-in, a ball Douglas Bader would have kept in.

    Some of the players clearly couldn't give a shit, and while a couple of them need dropping to show them their not exactly indispensable, a few need lifting up to be able to play the way we all know they're capable, or simply by being put on the pitch in the first place and in their best positions.

    They'll go out on Saturday and fluke an uninspiring 1-0 win against an equally slow Crewe side, but all that will do is paper over the very thick cracks appearing in our season, cracks that will eventually bring the house down in front of more SKY cameras in early May.


    Monday, March 03, 2008

    When is a sell-out not a sell-out ?

    When the Forest ticket office say it is. From the official site:

    Nottingham Forest's League One game against Carlisle at The City Ground this evening is now a complete sell-out to Reds supporters .....

    So, that'll be all the tickets gone then ?

    ..... except for a few single or restricted seats.

    So, a "complete" sell-out, except for the tickets that haven't been sold yet ?

    NOT a "complete" sell-out, then, eh ? What's up with these people, do they not want to sell the rest of the tickets or something, put people off getting the last remaining briefs.

    I've got my tickets, so not overly bothered whether other people have missed out or not. My biggest concern is which Forest side is going to turn up tonight.

    Will it be the free-flowing, attacking giants we all know they can be spurred on by a vociferous 30,000 plus crowd ?

    Or will it be the 'rabbit-in-headlights', can't play in front of the cameras, bottle it in front of a big gate numpties last seen the last time we were on tele in front of big support, Yeovil **shudder**

    I know which one it should be.

    But I also know which one it is more likely to be. Gulp.

    Save Victoria Baths

    From the 'Save Victoria Baths' website.

    This is the campaign website to save Victoria Leisure Centre in Nottingham from closure. Please support the campaign by signing the petition, writing to your councillors, joining the mailing list .....

    Nottingham City Council announced their proposal to close Victoria Leisure Centre on Friday 8 February. On Tuesday 19 February the Council's Executive board voted for the closure of the Leisure Centre in principle. They have now allowed for a month long period of consultation with local residents and Leisure Centre users before they meet again to make a final decision on about its fate on Tuesday 18 March 2008.

    Jon Collins, Leader of the Council assured us that this consultation period is not a ‘façade’, as some people have speculated, and that they are a 'listening council' who will take our views into consideration when making their final decision. The land has not already been sold and it is not a foregone conclusion that the Leisure Centre will close!

    We cannot stress enough the importance of making your views known to the Council between now and Tuesday 18 March 2008, to help us save our much loved Leisure Centre!

    Remember that Nottingham City Council tried to close Victoria Leisure Centre once before in 2000 and that a campaign run by local residents and Leisure Centre users successfully managed to convince the Council to keep it open. We’ve done it once before and we can do it again, but only with your help! Find out how to get involved