Man 'marries' dog to beat curse

From the BBC:

An Indian man has "married" a female dog, hoping the move will help atone for stoning two other dogs to death.

P Selvakumar, 33, said he had been cursed since the killings, suffering paralysis and a loss of hearing.

The wedding took place at a Hindu temple in Tamil Nadu state. The "bride" wore an orange sari with a flower garland and was fed a bun to celebrate.

Superstitious people in rural India sometimes organise weddings to animals in the hope of warding off curses.

Crowds cheered the newly-weds at the end of the ceremony in Sivaganga district, about 50km (30 miles) east of the city of Madurai.

The "bride", who is called Selvi, was led to the temple in Manamudurai wearing a sari before vows were exchanged in a traditional Hindu ceremony.

A relative of the groom who attended the wedding said he hoped Mr Selvakumar would now be cured.

"Fifteen years back Selvakumar was physically fit. But, once he attacked a pair of dogs and thereafter Kumar could not move his limbs freely," the relative, Ramu, told the BBC.

"He tried every cure for his ailment but could not be rid of his disability.

"On the advice of an astrologer and others, he decided to marry a bitch to get cured. Then we arranged Selvakumar's marriage with a bitch."

This is all well and good, but two questions spring instantly to mind:

Firstly, fifteen years ago, I was physically fit, but then I went on an all day session attacking several pints of Dublin's finest and thereafter could not move any of my limbs freely. Does this mean I can marry a keg of Guinness ?

And secondly, if Mr Selvakumar thinks that karma is to blame for his disability, then what on earth did the person do in a previous life that got reincarnated as the poor dog ?

Man hurt using gun to change tyre

Remember kids, it's not guns that kill people, it's Americans with guns that kill people.

From the BBC:

A US man has injured himself in both legs after attempting to loosen a stiff wheel-nut by blasting it with his gun.
The 66-year-old man from Washington state was repairing his car outside his home when the accident took place.

Shooting at the wheel from arm's length with his 12-gauge shotgun, he was peppered with buckshot and debris.

The man - who police say was on his own and not intoxicated - was taken to hospital with severe, but not life-threatening, injuries.

The man, from South Kitsap, 10 miles (16km) southwest of Seattle, had been repairing his Lincoln Continental for two weeks, according to the police, and had removed all but one of the nuts on the right rear wheel.

Frustrated by the one remaining nut which refused to budge, he resorted to fire power in an effort to shift it.

"He's bound and determined to get that lug nut off," said Deputy Scott Wilson, a spokesman from the sheriff's office.

He sustained injuries from his feet to the middle of his abdomen, with some pellets reaching as high as his chin, police said.

Be careful out there

From the BBC:

Toads are 'open-minded' about sex

Some female toads are rather open-minded when it comes to choosing a mate, a study reveals.

US researcher Karen Pfenning found female spadefoot toads will flout the general evolutionary rule of not breeding with other species.

So, if you see what looks like a 30ft elephant at the end of your street suddenly starting to hop in your direction, destroying everything in its path, you know where it's come from.

Stupid laws

More television executives with too much time on their hands. (From the BBC)

Apparently, it is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament. What happens if you do is unclear, although it's more than likely you'll be let off with a warning the first time, and only get a custodial sentence if you're a really unlucky Buddhist who happens to die in the Houses of Parliament several times.

And even then you'll probably just get an ASBO.

Another laws states:

It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store

Which means there are currently several sets of journalists, probably from the Sun / Daily Star / Sport / Mail on Sunday travelling in convoy up to Liverpool looking for posh fish shops to photograph their accompanying page three models.

Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is illegal

bought in under Cromwell. If he hadn't been wasting his time bringing in stupid laws like that, we could now well be sitting in the promised land of a republican utopia.

It is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama

Which, logically, means in the other 49 states, it's completely acceptable.

In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation

Whereas here, it just makes you go blind

But most worrying, and something I didn't know when I was living north of the border

If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter

Try that in the Gorbals on a Saturday night, let me know how you get on.

A warning to vegetarians

The animals would attack us if they could and take over the world, if only they all knew it .....

Cows attack man

Dog shoots man