More results .....

..... from the "So What" school of research.

DNA traces origin of domestic cat

Domestic cats around the world can trace their origins back to the Middle East's Fertile Crescent, according to a genetic study in Science journal.

No they can't. Cats can't trace their DNA back as far as their own feet, FFS. Cats are completely unaware of what DNA is. They're barely capable of peeling themselves off the sofa to eat their expensively prepared dinner, before sneaking out of the window to chase birds. The lazy b******s.

A bigger issue

A shopping trip to town was never complete without a stop off in Fopp records, and I can't recall ever going in there and coming out empty handed, the store has pretty much single-handidly replaced my aging LP & cassette collection with cheap re-issue CD's.

But for some reason, new release CD's always seemed more expensive than even the big stores (HMV, Virgin), while Selectadisc is still the independent store of choice.

Because of the struggle against the bigger shops and the rise of internet downloads, Fopp has struggled and has today closed its doors.

A pain for the customer, but a bigger worry for the staff, told by e-mail yesterday that they were out of work, and wouldn't be getting paid for their previous month's work. While I've now got to find a couple of Clash re-issues, they've got to find money for mortgages, rent, bills etc.

Mr Brown may have walked into Number 10 this week unopposed, but with the Post Office dispute, and now workers effectively illegally sacked without pay, he may be walking into the kind of labour troubles which blighted the Labour government in the late 70's.

Crinkly, Wrinkly, Old, Scrawny & Grey

And obviously skint.

Country officially full, as Tesco build new superstore in the middle of the North Sea

Ronaldo demands move to Sheff Wed

It's not the winning that counts

What is there to do in the (ever decreasing) period between the end of one football season and the start of the next pre-season friendlies ? Especially when there's no World Cup / European Championship to fill the summer months.

Fortunately, someone came up with the novel idea of making cricket (cricket !!!) interesting.

20/20

Two teams, 20 overs each, who can score the most runs. No stupid "power-play" rules, no fielding restrictions, just 20 overs of slogging.

So off on a works jolly to the Notts v Derbyshire game last night.

Notts got off to a flyer, and never dropped below a good 10 runs per over rate. A final score of 203 helped by at least three dropped catches and several fielding slip-ups.

Derbyshire never got out of the blocks and by the end of the second over were not only 16 runs short of their required rate, but also two wickets down. They needed just the 58 off the final over. Enough said.

It's not the winning that counts, it's the hammering any team from just down the A52 firmly into the ground.

Weight-watchers

Neil Lennon proudly displays the result of his latest weigh-in.

If there's one thing .....

..... duller than watching tennis, it's being at work, not being able to finish off watching the game suspended from the night before, and then having to watch the scores change on the Internet.

Every so often .....

..... something just stands out from the crowd. Click on the picture to hear what I mean.

Nerve

So, now Thierry Henry (World Cup winner, European Championship winner, World player of the year runner up and countless Arsenal medals) has finally decided to move to Barcelona for £16m, will Charlton still have the nerve to hold out for £17m for Marcus Bent (no World Cup winners medals, no European Championship medals, not even Charlton's player of the year and no winners medals of any description) ?

ESPN Got Talent

More vintage Forest on ESPN this Saturday (MORE!!!).

Forest v Ajax in the semi-final at 6pm, followed by the Hamburg final.

If the Ajax game is the coverage as shown on the tele on the night way back then, at the start of the second half, I'm the young lad getting told to sit down by a steward at the very front of the (as was) Executive Stand.

Happy days.

New Music

Stuck for something new to listen to ? Try these .....

About time

It's taken nearly a year, but after a combination of lost insurance forms, a football related ankle injury and three (THREE !) missed gradings, I've finally got my hands on the Taekwondo green belt and access to the hallowed arena that is second class. No more avoiding small children in training, no more rushing around after work, roll on sparring with people over 5 feet tall who don't mind it if I kick them into walls.

Come on.

Worse case scenario

Scarborough FC RIP

Thinking of moving

Not 100% sure what I think about the news that Forest are considering a new 40,000 - 50,000 capacity stadium on the outskirts of Clifton.

Traditionalism is all well and good, but progress is progress.

Money could be an issue, but apparently most (but significantly, not all) of the money will be coming from the private sector. Does that mean someone else will own the ground ?

Any new stadium could be used to hold major events, the possibility of the World Cup in 2018 or major music concerts. I remember the three games at the City Ground during Euro '96 and they hardly left a lasting impression on the city, and we would be lucky to get more than three games next time. And isn't the Nottingham Arena big enough for major pop concerts ?

Other clubs have blown their stack on ground improvements (Notts C, Bradford) only to see themselves fall down the leagues in front of half empty shells. Others have mortgaged their futures on identikit flat-packed Ikea stadium indistinguishable from each other without the names of the corporate sponsors picked out in white seating.

Forest don't struggle to get 20,000 at home, but they would to get 40,000 - 50,000 without some serious rethinking of ticket prices. If we halved tickets, would we get twice as many people in ? I think not.

Clifton is a pain in the arse to get to now, hence the current widening of the A453, but how bad would it be trying to get 40,000 people there, most of which would still like to meet up centrally first ?

Personally, my biggest loss would be this, and any true Forest fan will know what I mean.

Walking from town, or the tram stop, or any of the numerous pubs on the City side of the bridge, you walk past the old warehouses on your left, now stylishly renovated to provide stunning views of Casa, past the hot dog stall and suddenly, BANG, there it is. You look to your left (like chewing a Rowntree's Fruit Pastel, you can't physically stop yourself), over the river, flood-lights reflecting off the Trent, an oasis of colour and light and noise, an escape from all that's wrong in the world, a chance to bond with the rest of the 20,000 congregation, a chance to forget the troubles of work, family, politics, news, wars, life in general. Everything.

I was 4 years old when I first experienced that, and it has never ceased to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end EVERY SINGLE TIME in the 34 years since.

You can say no to everything and use tradition as a blanket excuse, but some things are just irreplaceable.

Ever get the feeling you've been cheated ?

Britain's Got Talent ?

Britain's got professionally trained opera singers.

Who would have thought talking about contact lenses was funny ;-)

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.



''Easy,'' she replied. ''He only has one eye.''



The chief was stunned. ''He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!'' He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.



''He only has one ear,'' was her answer.



''What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!'' He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, ''How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.''



After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, ''He's wearing contact lenses.''



This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, ''How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!''



''Well,'' she said, ''he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?''

Easy listening

Buy the very limited edition 6 track CD from here.

ESPN now run by Forest fans

More classic Forest action on SKY 442, Saturday from 6pm. The Malmo final followed by the fantastic away victory in Berlin in 1980.

The George Best 20th Anniversary Tour

The Wedding Present will be playing a series of concert dates in October 2007 to commemorate the twentieth anniversary of the release of their debut album, George Best.

For the British leg of the tour the band will revisit each of the towns played on the original George Best tour of 1987.

Furthermore, the album will be played in its entirety as part of the set each night.

October 2007

23 Stirling FUBAR
24 Edinburgh Liquid Rooms
25 Glasgow Queen Margaret Union
26 Manchester University
27 Liverpool Academy
28 Nottingham Rescue Rooms
29 Birmingham Academy
30 Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms
31 London Koko

In Edinburgh tonight ?

For the love of god, bring back the X Factor

Britain's Got Talent.

Britain's Got Talent ?

Are you f***ing joking.

There's an A&E department near to ITV's head office that now specialises in injuries to the end of fingers consistent to those of scraping through the bottom of barrels, before continuing to scrabble away at the concrete below.

Each judge has a button to press when they get sick of each act to stop the performance. That's a novel idea (!). Why didn't they just use a gong instead ?

Fortunately, I only have to press one button to make the pain go away.

ITV have publicly stated that they are moving away from summer reality programs, admitting defeat to C4's three month bitch-fest, but they're not exactly going after the anti-Big-Brother viewer.

Safe to say that I only now ever watch ITV when there's football on, and even then it's usually crap.

The Forest manager, and his predecessor

CC: Good to have you here, son, you'll certainly bolster our defence.

NL: But I play in midfield

CC: Midfield ? There'll be none of those fancy Celtic tactics down here. You'll fit in nicely in our
9-0-1 formation.

Happy Xmas (War is Over)

Forest signing a big name player were things we could only imagine, but now, just like starting over, we can show some real love for our new #9 dream.

There'll be plenty of other male supporters of other clubs, the odd woman here and there too, who will say he's living on borrowed time, but they're just acting the jealous guy.

Can't remember the players name, though.....

For those who work with computers all day .....

Cows and Politics

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows, the State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows, the State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows, the State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows, the State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell your herd and retire on the profit.

SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.


GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.


SPANISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. Tomorrow you apply for a European grant for 500 cows.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 30 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows, both are mad.

ISRAELI CORPORATION
You have lots of very strong, powerful cows, but still feel the need to send your cows to visit your neighbour and kick seven shades of cow pat out of his little calf.

IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are a Democracy.

WELSH CORPORATION:
You have two cows, the one on the left looks very attractive

Happy Days

Three Forest related shows on ESPN (SKY 442) on Saturday June 9 from 6pm.

In the days when only CHAMPIONS played in the top European competition.

Eh ?

I had no idea what this was supposed to be when I first saw it, and having read the article describing its significance, I'm still none the wiser!!

Sheep

It took about a week to sink in that Forest had blown the play-offs before I could start to get over it, and then the FA kindly schedule the actual play-off finals to coincide with my re-appearance from the covers of football hell.

Could it get any worse ?

Well, yes it could and yes it did.

It's alright for the Forest fans living away, say in London or South Wales, but where I live and work, D***y fans have been crawling out of the woodwork for a few years now and god are they suddenly an enlightened lot. Not wanting to discuss football for decades, all of a sudden they want to talk about Premiership issues, huge sums of money and selling out season tickets.

Now, let me get this clear straight away, I am jealous of Derby's current footballing position and would swap their cushy Premiership place with our third division squalor in an instant.

But that's it.

When Derby played in the Premiership before they were rewarded with a big SKY pay-day. This got Derby into big financial trouble when the Premiership status was lost. If you then give the same club a HUGE SKY pay-day, logic dictates that a club financially managed by your typical butchers, bakers & candle-stick makers could get themselves into HUGE financial trouble. There are still going to be three relegated teams next season irrespective of how much money they receive, and players aren't going to go to Pride Park without their agents taking a huge chunk of the reported £60m windfall in wages. Wages that will still need paying when the SKY money runs out. Just ask Leeds how that works.

Couple that with a season of struggle, or at best, mid-table obscurity, then you start to think that maybe the Premiership isn't the promised land it's made out to be. Derby may have beaten West Brom in the play-off finals, but I'm willing to bet that West Brom fans, and Forest fans for that matter, have a more enjoyable time next season than those who follow the rams.

Flicking

Flicking through the SKY channels last night and came across coverage of the new series of Big Brother.

I'd read that it was an all female house this year, so didn't think anything was amiss when there were three semi-naked women lying around. The camera didn't move from them for quite some time, so the rest of them must be asleep, I thought. A bit early as it was just before 10pm, but they must have had a busy day.

The telephones were a novel idea, each of the three of them with their own handset, but not speaking to each other, almost taking instructions from whoever was at the other end of the line. A bit weird.

But the strangest thing happenend after 10pm. They all took their clothes off and basically started rubbing each other in a very provocative way.

To my horror I realised that this wasn't Big Brother at all, oh no. I figured that out quite quickly.

It took about four hours.

Timely