Ear worm #11

I don't normally forward these things on, but this has to made public

Sport Relief

Sport Relief is back, and to raise money, my two boys (11 & 7) will be dragging my aging, creaking bones round Trent Embankment.

If you would like to make it worth their while, please sponsor them by clicking here.

To find out more about Sport Relief, click here.

Thank you.

Here we go again .....

The Big Red Train.

It's back.

And may the Lord have mercy on our souls.



From Stress & Pie

I'm getting a bit fed up now

From the official Forest website:

Nottingham Forest manager Colin Calderwood (pictured right) has hinted he is prepared to deploy three central defenders again.

Whether or not you think this is a good idea or not (and for the record, I think it's a f***ing stupid idea), why is our manager publicly revealing possible tactical changes to the opposition before the game ?

That's the beauty of the Internet, Calderwood you a**e, EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE F***ING WORLD CAN READ IT. Do you not think people in East London have computers ?

I think this is about the only issue at the moment that gets me so wound up to the point of profanity. My mum always said it was neither big nor clever to swear, but then I'm 6'5" and program computers for a living, so that's b******s for a start. She then goes on to say that it's the sign of a limited vocabulary. I disagree. If I can use words like b******s, a**e, f**k & w****r, then that's four more words than she can use, surely the sign of an extended vocabulary.

So, Colin 'the clown' Calderwood has got me to the point of wearing out my '*' key with his inability to learn from his mistakes, his insistence on repeating the same mistakes over & over & over again, and the way he publicises to the opposition which mistakes he's planning on making this weekend.

He really is a clown.

The Wedding Present

There's a new Wedding Present album out in May, entitled El Ray, it's produced by Steve Albini and will be their first 'proper' studio album since Take Fountain in 2005.

So, in recognition of possibly the best band ever, a couple of videos for singles from Take Fountain, and a new track which should be on El Ray.

Enjoy.

Interstate 5



I'm from further north than you



The thing I like most about you is your girlfriend

Nottingham Panthers 3:4 Sheffield Steelers - I've seen the future and it aint good

I'm the sort of person who pretty much says yes to everybody, so when I was asked if I wanted to go see the Nottingham Panthers play, yeah, ok.

The last time I went to the Ice Hockey was 24 years ago, in the old wooden rink with the old cinema organ against the Dundee Rockets, the Liverpool of '80's Ice Hockey, who now don't even exist. Nottingham lost.

I've been to the National Ice Arena a couple of times, once to see Coldplay (and even then only because Idlewild were the support) and again to see the Masters Football, which is cracking and is back on a gain in July, I've got my ticket already (thank you again) so get yourself down there.

Firstly, the Hockey was good. I'm sure it's nowhere near as good as that found in North America, but their rejects have got to have somewhere to play. Sheffield were clearly the better side, even to my untrained eye, and quite deservedly won the game, although the 6:3 Panthers advantage from the first leg of the Challenge Cup Final meant an overall aggregate win for the home side.

Which meant the fans were happy.

But that was the problem, the fans.

I'm a huge football fan, been going down Forest for 35 of my meagre 39 years, so I guess I'm use to the way a football crowd works, the dynamics of it all, the singing, the banter, the posturing with mock aggression, the highs & lows, the way the crowd act as one without any prompting.

At the Panthers last night, the fans were constantly battered with sponsorship details, who sponsored the players helmets, the home dug-out, the away penalty box, even something as intangible as the period of power-play had its own sponsor, gleefully read out for the 28th time with no less gusto than the first, and certainly with no hint of irony at the futility of repetition. I won't repeat who sponsored what because, you know what, I stopped listening.

The chanting was more akin to a primary school rounders game and even when the fans started chanting themselves, they had to be helped out by the sounds of an organ, sounding remarkably computerised. Some of the actions to accompany the ever increasing array of 'tunes' coming out of said computer were, frankly, pitiful & embarrassing. Where was the swearing ? Where was the mock aggression ? Oh, there it is, two burly Canadians squaring up to each other for no other reason than momentum on a slippery surface has made them collide. Watch the blood-lust of the fans as they bay to watch two grown men wave hand-bags at each other, both covered in enough padding never to feel a thing before being told where to sit for two minutes. Pathetic. It's like a cross between bingo and World of Sport wrestling.

Clearly this was an attempt to Americanise what was a British Sport years before the Americans picked it up. But I've been to American sporting events in America and they were not as brash or as loud or as corporate as this. We've created a monster.

If this is the sanitised version of how sport is heading, full corporate sponsorship, crowd manipulation, in-bred supporters, then I'm not interested.

The Premiership in a nut-shell.

I'll tell you what, they can shove it.

Masterchef

As the current series of Masterchef comes to an end, there is definately a bit of their training missing.

How to make rude comments about their customers without the results appearing on the bill.

From the BBC

Bangs head on wall very very hard

From the BBC:

Nottingham Forest striker Nathan Tyson could be out for up to six weeks after injuring his hamstring in the 1-0 victory over Swindon.

And then, stupidly predictably:

Manager Colin Calderwood said: "It's disappointing because we need all hands to the pump. Nathan tends to go on goalscoring runs and we had hoped the goal against Swindon would be the first of many.

Maybe, Calderwood you prize clown, you could sign someone in the transfer window.

What's that ? The transfer window, has it shut ?

Calderwood, you're a f***ing idiot.

The Nottingham Eye

This is clever

This is called sleeveface-ing apparently. Click the link, find out more.

Be smart, be safe

Old school

Been a while since I've had a bat round Lenton of an evening, but an early arrival at the Chinese New Year celebrations led to a visit to some pubs not frequented for quite a while.

Back in the day, the Johnson Arms was always full of students & nurses which of course made it a magnet for anyone looking for a bit of fun on an evening. On Saturday it was quite empty early doors, but the beer was still as good as it alwasy was there.

Round the corner to one of the hidden gems of Nottingham pubs. Many a happy Sunday afternoon was spent in the Boat Inn watching Sky football in the days before mass home Sky purchasing. I don't seem to remember it having as much nautical memoribilia as it does now, and it certainly never had the disinfectanty type smell as soon as you walked in, one strange bit of fall-out from the fantastic smoking ban. Still a good pub, and if you've never been, search it out.

Round the corner again to the Red Cow. Bit of a local's pub, this one, with the old dear who sat next to us clearly not happy we'd not only sat at HER table, but actually moved it a couple of inches as well. Awful awful beer.

Just down the road to the White Hart. This used to be lots of little rooms, if memory serves me correctly, but now a modern (crap wooden floors) open plan pub / restaurant. Nice pint of Olde Trip, but no atmosphere at all.

And then on to the biggest walk of a cold night, over the railway bridge to the Grove. Again, I remember this being a lot busier when I used to go in, and I'd have expected it busier this late on a Saturday night. Several hand-pumps, but ALL of them empty. Tut tut tut. Awful awful awful beer.

How cool is this !!!!

Weekend tunes

After last week's 80's selection, only fair that the 90's get a look in.

Could have been the new Smiths, should certainly have had more recognition than they got;

Gene - For the Dead.




A tune so good, they have to start it three times;

Dreadzone - Little Britain




I saw New Order a few times in the 80's & 90's, but was luck enough to see them sound check this at Reading in 93, me & about half a dozen other people in a huge field normally holding upwards of over 80,000 on a warm Sunday morning. Breathtaking.

New Order - Ruined in a Day.

First Top of the Pops, and now this ? No, surely not

From the BBC

BBC to shut gates on Grange Hill

The BBC is axing children's TV school drama Grange Hill after 30 years.

CBBC controller Anne Gilchrist said: "The lives of children have changed a great deal since Grange Hill began and we owe it to them to reflect this."

The series began on 8 February 1978 and featured some tough storylines about social issues including drugs and teenage pregnancy over the years.

No more trying to get to France by hiding on the school trip bus without a passport, no more friends fighting over drugs and no more mis-pronunciations of the name 'Roland'.

Thankfully, no more chances for Justin Lee Collins to reunite the cast of said program, including the 'wacky' allegations of taking drugs in the White House while on a 'Just Say No' anti-drugs mission (you crazy guys) and no more hope at hearing the following theme music only to find f***ing 'Give us a Clue' on instead.

Mark Arthur in 'says something sensible' shock

Nottingham Forest chief executive Mark Arthur has hinted that manager Colin Calderwood could face the sack if the Reds are not promoted this season.

From the BBC

Dear Brian, please, not again

I sat and listened to forest on Saturday with my head firmly in my hands, at 1:0 down you almost knew that was that, and at 2:0 I may as well have turned Radio Nottingham off.

Listening to strikers playing as wingers putting crosses into the box for themselves to run on to just makes me stupidly angry. If you go away to a bottom four club, create chance after chance, but get beat, fair do's, it happens. But to go away from home to a bottom four club and create exactly jack all is not acceptable.

I happen to think Calderwood has been backed in the transfer market, he's bought in players who ripped us to pieces back in May, but now struggle to get on the bench, behind less gifted players playing our of position. Our chairman backed Calderwood by paying Neil Lennon's wages & Neil Lennon's plane tickets to & from Glasgow, a gamble that failed, but backing none-the-less. Our chairman has always said that he won't gamble with our clubs future, he won't live the Leeds dream, but everyone jumps on his back when he won't gamble just that little bit more. There's 10 or so clubs fighting for the top two spots, they can't all gamble AND win.

As usual, it's Stress & Pie that sum up my feelings. I'll repeat it in full below, because after Saturday, it'll be gone, which is a shame.

I don't want Colinwood to go. Stress does - he seems to loathe the man at the moment, and I can understand why, but I find it difficult to generate such loathing. Technically, it would be easy: a few swearwords, some vicious distortions of his name, a prolonged scream of abuse. But my heart wouldn't be in it.

However, his reaction after that abject performance against Bonemouth was one of the saddest things I've heard in a long time. He sounded like a badly beaten man. It was just the sort of hollow response we've heard before from managers who have reached the end of their tether, and their tenure. I feel sympathy for him in a way - he's a decent enough bloke whose problems aren't entirely of his own making and who must be at a very low ebb at the moment. But excuses and sympathy can't disguise the creeping certainty that he isn't up to the job of taking Forest up. The evidence grows by the day - poor team selection, inadequate tactics, an inability to motivate an increasingly fragile set of players, a stubborn refusal to adopt a simple, settled formation, an unwillingness to criticise his bosses which leaves him spouting contradictory nonsense to justify their, and his failures...

It's too easy, making lists like that, making videos like that. Let's just sum it up by saying he seems to be in over his head, and his post-match reaction suggested that he's beginning to realise it.

He shouldn't be condemned alone, of course. You know what we would like to see? At the next away match, we'd like to see the club's owner and chief executive standing next to Colin by the touchline. After all, they're equally responsible for the state the club has got itself into. It might just educate them in the brutal realities of football. It might just wipe the odd smile off the odd self-satisfied face.

But no, those brutal realities dictate that Colinwood will have to take it on his own. He's got one hell of a job on his hands now. As I said, I don't want him to go. but the only way he's going to achieve anything at Forest is to change completely, probably into another person. Either that, or hope that circumstance suddenly blesses him with a torrent of miracles.

Both events, though devoutly to be wished, are unlikely. I don't want him to go. I hope he succeeds. I hope Forest succeed. But at the moment, Colinwood looks and sounds like a dead man walking.

You can't beat the 80's

On a bit of an 80's trip for the weekend, I was very kindly bought a copy of Ultravox's Monument this week, something I haven't listened to in over 20 years since a friend borrowed my tape copy and chewed it up, his tape player, not him chewing it up. I think that's what happened, but now you come to mention it ......

Ultravox - Lament



Just waiting for Amazon to deliver my copies of the first two Yazoo albums on CD to replace my extremely old vinyl / tape originals. I bought 'You & Me Both' while on an exchange trip in Hamburg. Interestingly, Yazoo are touring this year. It's like one big time-warp.

Yazoo - Nobody's Diary



And finally, I wrote a piece a few months back reflecting on break-ups and their associted soundtracks, how I always wanted to be loved & lost so songs could have a meaning to me. That's b******s, of course, it's a lot better being completely & utterly in love and not to break-up at all. However, sometimes, you have to go through the pain in order to find THE ONE. While this song doesn't have much meaning to me at the moment, it's still a fantastic four minutes of 'play as loudly as possible in your car singing along at the top of your voice' brilliance from ABC. Over produced to perfection by Trevor Horn. Enjoy, and have a good weekend.

ABC - All of my Heart

Heaven

Calderwood = Clown

So, the transfer window shuts with only one new face to add to the squad, a part-timer from non-non-league.

Whoopee do.

Calderwood stated at the start of January that he'd like to do business quickly in January, before the second game of the month ideally, but ultimately failed to do that. He also stated on an interview on Radio Nottingham that if we didn't sign anyone, then it didn't matter because our squad was good enough anyway.

Well Colin, you haven't signed anyone so you had better well be pleased with your squad because it's the only one your going to get.

Loan signings may be an option after Feb 25th. We'll have to wait until then in order for the loanees to trudge off after losing in the play-offs.

(Rant mode on)

I've said it before that Calderwood is a young manager and still has a lot to learn. The problem is, faced with EXACTLY THE F***ING SAME scenario last January, why he hasn't learned A SINGLE F***ING THING for this year.

For F***S SAKE Calderwood, we can't be hanging round this division any longer, or F***ING NO-ONE is going to want to come here anyway.

(Rant mode off)

(No, rant mode back on again)

F***ING MUPPET !!!!

(And calm)