Not done this for a while

If you've got any spare pennies left over from the summer holidays, you won't go far wrong with these:

The Young Knives - Voices of Animals and Men.







Captain - This is Hazelville.







The Dears - Gang of Losers

TV - it's not all reality

Firstly, Armando Iannucci is a raving genius.

Secondly, the pilot for this was quite good, so looking forward to this as well.

And finally, while The Office was just a little bit too close to the truth on occasions, I will be able to enjoy the new series of this without feeling too uncomfortable.

All on the BBC, and not an amateur singer in sight. Joy.

Making the most of it

Meme of 3

Paulie tagged me with this. The last time I played tag, if I remember rightly, I had to kiss (name of Claire Grogan look-a-like removed), although it would more likely have been (name of Bulwinkle look-a-like removed). I'll happily share a bed with Paulie, but I aint kissing him!

1. Things that scare me

• Knife carrying mentality


• Global warming


• Mugs on the edge of tables

2. People who make me laugh

• My family


• Al & Wobbly


• My friends

3. Things I hate most

• Racism


• Lateness


• Newcastle United

4. Things I don't understand

• How anyone can honestly say that the war in Iraq is about ANYTHING other than money


• How the Tories won the '92 General Election


• How canal locks work

5. Things I'm doing right now

• Taking a week off before starting a new job


• De-frosting my freezer


• Inventing new reasons to put off all the other crappy jobs I've got to do

6. Things I want to do before I die

• Go to a match at the San Siro


• Be debt free


• Be officially diagnosed as immortal

7. Things I can do

• Break a 1" thick piece of wood with my bare hands


• Find my way home after a night out, irrespective of my condition or location


• Climb out of barrel of s**t smelling of roses

8. Ways to describe my personality

• Black & white


• Quiet & reserved


• Calm

9. Things I can't do

• Mrs Clifton was right, I can't sing for toffee


• Play any musical instrument


• Beat my 9 year old at FIFA

10. Things I think you should listen to

• The entire back catalogue of the Wedding Present & New Order


• The sound of the seagulls and the sea at Spey Bay, Moray


• Whatever makes you happy

11. Things you should never listen to

• Anyone who tells you you can't do something when, quite obviously, you can


• Doctors who tell you to go home when you know there's something else wrong with you


• Jack Johnson

12. Things I'd like to learn

• How to speak a foreign language without translating it back & forth into English first


• More Taekwando


• How to beat my 9 year old at FIFA

13. Favourite foods

• Chocolate


• Mr T's kebabs


• Chocolate

14. Beverages I drink regularly

• Tea


• Beer


• Milk

15. Shows I watched as a kid

• Runaround


• TOTP


• Cheers

16. People I'm tagging (to do this meme)

My involvement of the "blogging community" knows no start, one is Paulie and the other is McGaribaldi, who Paulie also tagged. Playing tag on your own was never any fun.

Oops

No post yesterday, I was too busy eating my hat.

And if one more person who I haven't spoken to in months asks me, in a fake scouse accent, "Accrington Stanley, who are they ?", I'll more than likely chin 'em.

But, our defeat on Monday became clear when watching TV last night. David Pleat, Forest's new Director of Football was at the Champions League game in Kiev, presumably scouting for when we're back in Europe in 2 years.

Pleat must be a busy man. Part time Football director, part time media pundit and part time inspector of kerbs.

Which meant on Monday night, without a Director of Football, we were left with the Director of clueless lumps upfield.

A friend of mine has commented that we can now concentrate on the league. But we've been concentrating on the league for a few years now, I replied, and look where it's got us!

And the beat goes on

4 out of 4, coming back from behind AND finally scoring from 12 yards. Sky may be hoping for a shock tonight at Accrington, but they're not going to get one.

Happy days are here again .....

Forgiven ? No, not by me.

Sky have hit the nail on the head for one of their latest programs, the lure of football and the inanity of reality TV. Their latest program (and no, I won't tell you when it's on) has a former manager coming into a struggling dressing room to help out the current incumbent. All well and good ?

Well, no.

Entitled "Big Ron Manager", former football manager and current media star Ron Atkinson advises an employed up-against-it manager in the ways of football coaching.

The character "Ron Manager" from the Fast Show was an out of date pastiche of 1950's football in the old days, while Ron Atkinson is more:

"Football, isn't it, crosses in the penalty area, hoods for goal posts"

In bred racism, of which Atkinson is guilty, will never disappear in this country while people who spout it are quietly removed only to reappear later to resurrect their careers. Atkinson certainly wasn't going to get anywhere near a football club following not only his initial outburst, but also his subsequent failure to accept that what he said was wrong. It could be argued that he's now actually better off, giving the Max Clifford's of this world an extra weapon in their career revitalization arsenal; Celebrity Big Brother, Page Three kiss-and-tell or casual racism ?

He should be farmed out of the media never to return, a foot-note in football history. Kids in the future who ask who Ron Atkinson was should get the following answer:

"He's what we used to call a big fat racist tosser"

What is the world coming to ?

When you can't even rely on mystic dwarves to help you in your career as a judge.

Seize the moment

John Prescott misses the opportunity to increase his popularity.

Drinking: It's not big and it's not clever

For the love of god, no more, please

Good news this week, Big Brother is coming to an end. "Who wins, you decide". Please, you decide, because personally, I couldn't give a s**t.

Then, without a break, without so much as a Saturday night off from nobodies with no ability, talent or dress-sense, we have to suffer the start of ITV's X-Factor.

Did I miss last year, or haven't we already established the 'best' unsigned singer / group in the country? Is the rate of immigration now so great that we have to decide again less than 12 months later? Or was last years 'winner' actually not a big enough talent to be around less than a year after being the next best thing?

Nobody after nobody after nobody, all with the idea that they ARE good enough, they ARE talented enough and they DO have that little eXtra.

No, no and no you don't, you sad delusional wanabee numpty.

If you WERE good enough, if you WERE talented enough and if you actually DID have that little something eXtra, you would ALREADY be in the career you so desperately crave.

But you AREN'T good enough, you certainly AREN'T talented enough and you have nothing eXtra that separates you from the rest.

Now, get off my television and get back to work.

If you really, really, really want a star next to your name, persuade your current manager to let you cook fries once in a while.

Cup wins, they're like buses

Elgin City wait seven (yes, SEVEN) seasons for a win in any of the three cup compitions, then two come along in less than a week.

Pity about the poor start in the league, but plenty of time yet.....

Things I now know about Prague that I didn't know last week

This man (left) is a complete fruitcake, or possibly a complete genius. Click on him to see why.

• It is perfectly acceptable to give blemishes on your body pet names



• Czech locals think British men have a fetish for midgets



• Alternatively, if you want to meet an 8 foot tall red woman with 6 arms there is a club in Prague with 18 of them. Apparently.



• Absinth, set on fire, WILL continue to burn if spilt on tables



• Mojitos taste f***ing awful



• The SkyLink bus from Nottingham to East Midlands is really handy, but avoid talking to anyone on it in case you later bump into them somewhere embarrassing



• Dad rock is still alive and well



• I think Forest could possibly have won the European Cup two years running. This may have come up in conversation once or twice, I'm not sure.



• If you are a vegetarian visiting Prague, prepare to go hungry



• Staropramen at 75p a pint just seems to taste better in Prague than over here.

Einstein

3 for 3, second in the table, still no goals conceded, still no penalties scored. All looking very good. Spent Saturday afternoon in an Irish Cuban bar in the middle of Prague watching Soccer Saturday on a big screen getting text updates on Forest's progress (thanks Alex). Slightly bizarre.

On the transfer front, Junior Agogo has got to have the best name in league football. His nickname surely HAS to be Einstein.

Postman Stu

Away again for the weekend, so another MyTube offering to enjoy.

This time, in honour of Shed Boy gaining full time employment as a postie.

Or "dog bait" as Woody calls it.

Please note that this video contains rude words and a postman acting in an unprofessional manner. It also contains images of postmen delivering letters BEFORE people leave for work in the morning, something completely alien to the lazy bugger who delivers my post, usually early in the afternoon.

If you are offended by swearing, unproffesionalism or postmen who get out of bed before 11am, avert your ears.

Premature

I think it's a bit unfair to start thinking about burying Margaret Thatcher just yet.

At least wait until she's dead.

On second thoughts, I'll get me spade ……

Top pubs

Following on from top beers, here's my list of top pubs in Nottingham, and also a list of those outside the worlds best city.

In Nottingham, in reverse order:

6, The White Swan, Old Basford. There was a time when every pub in Nottingham looked like this, a bar room, a separate lounge, a hatch for off sales, tiles in the corridors & 2 different entrances. Nowadays, breweries have attempted to make all pubs the same with their central bar area and one room look. The 'Mucky Duck' doesn't serve the best beer, doesn't believe in heating the pool room and isn't full of models, but it is still an essential pub on an Old Basford pub crawl.

5, The Cock & Hoop, Lace Market. An oasis in the mire of town bars, the Cock & Hoop is a fantastic pub surrounded by some of the worst places in town. The bar staff are slow but meticulously correct, there is already a smoking ban and downstairs you get table service. If you're meeting people in the lace market, avoid nipping in here first as a; you'll be loathed to leave and b; it'll be downhill from here on in.

4, The Trip to Jerusalem. A rare pub in so much as it is a tourist attraction and a true local's pub all in one. If you had a pint in each room, you'd leave worse for where and as the pub is built into the walls of the castle rock, affords a different kind of wall covering. There are few better evenings than those sat outside in the courtyard outside the Trip mixing with bikers, tourists, students and locals in total harmony. Unfortunately, this has had to stop due to the laws against drinking outside without service, but fingers crossed, this is being sorted. And the beer's decent as well. View here & here.

3, The Canalhouse. When you go out in a group, it's always hard to agree where to go. Some want loud music, others want attractive members of the opposite sex, some want attractive members of the same sex and some just want a good pint (guilty). The Canalhouse has all of these. You can sit outside in the summer by the canal, with what seems like the entire population of Nottingham without being overcrowded, or sit inside next to the working canal that runs into the middle of the pub. If you fancy a change of scene, it's got Fellows Morton & Clayton right next door. The Canalhouse was one of the few places truly missed when I lived in Scotland.

2, The Lion, New Basford. A regular venue for the special occasion, loads of different, ever changing real ales, plenty of room and live music most nights of the week. Beer garden for the summer. A good game to play on birthdays: Look at the menu of beers, try one of each. Simple.

1, The Fox & Crown, Old Basford (otherwise known as BPitW). Brews its own beer, sells other real ales, lagers & ciders, looks after the beer well, authentic Thai food, beer garden, its own real ale shop, comfortable surroundings AND 5 minutes walk from my house. Quite easily the best pub in the world.

Outside the beautiful city:

5, Grant Arms Hotel, Fochabers, Scotland. The original, dipped a bit over the last ten years, but now re-establishing itself as the preferred venue to spend the night in Fochabers. Many a happy day spent in here over the years.

4, McDonnells, Belmullet, Ireland. Walk in, order pint, sit down, talk, drink.

3, Oxford Bar, Edinburgh, Scotland. Edinburgh is a fantastic city for a weekend away, avoid Rose Street and you'll be pretty much guaranteed a decent pub. Head towards the Grass Market, Haymarket or around Tynecastle for some fantastic pubs. Go during the fringe festival and you'll get a good atmosphere. Like many others I'm sure, I was drawn towards the Oxford Bar from the Ian Rankin Rebus books, and after initially walking straight past it, found it on one of the back streets of the new town. I wasn't disappointed. "A scout hut for the over 30's" is pretty much spot on. Watched the rugby in there one Saturday afternoon with about 20 others and the place was chocker. Next time I'm in Edinburgh, I'll be back.

2, The Richbrau Brewery Company, Richmond, Virginia, USA. Beer and America, two words that don't always sit well in the same sentence. Another brewpub, a decent bar downstairs and a pool hall upstairs.

1, The Red Lion, Fochabers, Scotland. Take off your coat, hang it up, sit down at the bar, pint waiting, ask if the others in the bar want a drink, get talking to whoever's in. My local in Scotland and still the place to go for a whole evening of socialising. I'll be up in September and it can't come soon enough.


Any comments ? Which have I missed out ?

It's all going right, long may it continue

Blackpool v Forest, 8 Aug
Two games gone, two wins, no goals conceded, second in the table and all without Nathan Tyson (knee injury) & Kris Commons (some pies still left uneaten).

And then this .....

And this as well .....

McGaribaldi: Pride not Prejudice

McGaribaldi: Pride not Prejudice

Some fantastic new t-shirts from Philosophy Football. I'd go for the English one, what with being English, but they all look superb.

I've got one of the Jerusalem ones and it looks fantastic, the cross of St George made up of the words from what should be (in my opinion) England's national anthem.

Cute now, but back then .....

Taking back an animal's evolution by 500 million years may seem like a good idea, but I've seen the films. Usually, at some point the scientists return back after coffee to find a 30ft caniverous dinosaur wandering around the lab looking for its next meal.

If the man in charge looks like Dicky Attenborough, it's time to start worrying.

Thin end of the wedge

Google is to warn people of potential 'unsafe' websites. A warning screen will appear advising the user to go somewhere else. A list of keywords includes 'free screensavers' & 'bearshare'.

While this may be a good way of stopping people inadvertently visiting websites that deliberately try to abuse them, at which point will Google advise people not to visit sites that choose not to advertise through Google. There are several people I know who won't pass through a web site that tells them that it is potentially dangerous, irrespective of whether ultimately they can or not, or whether in fact it is dangerous or not.

The difference is that Google used to be a useful internet search engine, whereas now it's a brand name of a faceless global corporation.

Users will need to be happy they can trust the big corporations who tell them where to go and what to read.

Heaven

All dads of a certain age, while attending a birthday party of a friend's 2/3 year old in one of those soft play areas stuck on to the side of pubs, would have had a conversation with the bloke stood next to you. One of you would have turned round to the other and said:

"Why don't they build a place like this for adults ?"

Well, wonder no more.

Twin Lakes in Melton Mowbray has a soft play area FOUR STOREYS HIGH, with all steps, slides and rope bridges fully accessible even to me @ 6'5". I spent the best part of two hours chasing round after my 5 year old while he tried to show me everything there was to see. It took me the best part of 20 minutes to even CATCH A GLIMPSE of my 9 year old, and when I got to where he'd been, he'd gone, like looking for a rare bird in the Amazon jungle.

The kids loved it almost as much as me. And as it was midweek, it was a lot better than being at work.

Leeds & Bradford

Forest v Leeds, 29 July
I like pre-season friendlies. All the possibilities for a few pints with none of the worries about the result, what could be better ? Leeds turned up with more than a few of their expensive Premiership liggers and quite promptly took advantage of Forest's uncertainty in defensive formation, 1:0 down after less than 2 minutes did not bode well.

Indeed, for the first 20 minutes, we were awful.

Dirty Leeds lived up to their well earned name, including a kick out from Neil Sullivan on Nathan Tyson. Sullivan obviously felt a touch jealous as all the other Leeds defenders had had a kick at Tyson, so why shouldn't he. The referee hadn't seen this, but it was clearly in the back of his mind when he awarded Forest's equalizer with more than a touch on the goalkeeper in the build-up. Swings & roundabouts.

Second half and it was Forest's turn to start like a train, Grant Holt scoring within the first two minutes. Neil Harris missed a good chance when clean through, but Forest were creating more and playing better than their Championship opponents. A quickly taken Leeds free-kick levelled the scores and a Wes Morgan OG in the last minute made the score look frankly generous to the higher league side. Maybe this could be our season after all …..

Forest v Bradford, 5 August
It doesn't seem like two minutes since I was waiting half an hour to be served in a Bradford pub on the last day of last season, Zidane's head-butt seems just yesterday and how long is it since Rooney was last sent off ? This close season has flown by and here we are again on the opening day, all teams level, all teams' expectation levels raised and Leicester already bottom of the Championship.

Three minutes in and the season is potentially over. Nathan Tyson dangling his leg into what should have been a 50:50 challenge and he's limping off. Doesn't look good. Grant Holt lumbers off the bench as soon as he finds a shirt big enough to fit him.

There's only one thing about Grant Holt that I like, and that's that he makes me look fit. If he can make it professionally, I'm still in with a chance.

Just to spite me, Holt then proceeds to dance through two defenders down the right and put in a perfect cross for James Perch, his sliced effort rolling into the path of Julian Bennett for the first goal of the season. Forest were sometimes good going forward, Lester making a nuisance of himself as usual, but more times than not, unbearably slow in the build up. Bradford had more chances, but were limited to hopeful long shots. When they did find the target, Paul Smith showed his class making a couple of decent saves. He could become a pivotal signing this season. Neil Harris will never score in a Forest shirt, and when presented with a penalty late on, hit the goalkeeper from 12 yards.

3 points and a winning start is all you can ask for, but Tyson's injury could go a long way to establishing Forest's long term results this season. A point away at Blackpool on Tuesday night wouldn't necessarily be a bad result, but a defeat like Walsall away last season at the same point would be painfully familiar.