No, no, no, enough is enough

Can you remember when the chocolate on the top of a Mars bar was thicker than the rest of the bar ?

Can you remember when Creme Eggs were so big you couldn't get them in your mouth in one go ? *

Or when eating a Marathon took nearly as long as running one ?

Well, if you answered 'yes' to any of those, look away now.

From the BBC:

Manufacturers are being asked to cut the size of chocolate bars, confectionery and cans of fizzy drink to tackle rising rates of obesity.

By 2012, the Food Standards Agency wants chocolate-based snacks such as Mars bars to be no bigger than 50g compared with the current 58g size.

I can get my head round the smoking ban, I've nothing against people smoking in their own environment so long as I don't suffer from it. I can understand the need to properly educate people so they don't fall into an obese lifestyle costing the taxpayer extra cash to help alleviate preventable medical conditions. I understand all that.

But if I want a f***ing Mars bar, I want a f***ing Mars bar, not a watered down, namby-pamby Mars Bar Lite. I want to hear the chocolate crack as I bite into it. I want to feel the gooey goodness slide down my throat, the receptors in my brain fizzing with sugar rush adrenalin.

In short, I don't want things to be ruined just for the sake of a few fat f**kers who, let's face it, will only end up wobbling to the corner shop and buying TWO new Mars bars to make up for the loss in size.

Unless they're bringing in chocolate rationing next, in which case I've got an appointment with the contents of a long thin box in my attic.

* (That might be just me on that one)

Notts Chelsea 2:1 Nottingham Forest

Proper Saturdays are back. A few pints in the Horse & Groom early doors and a taxi down Trentside. Fantastic.

It’s only a pre-season friendly, but still it would have been nice to put little Notts back in their place.

It’s like being in your early twenties, man of the world, been there, done that. Suddenly your 14 year old brother comes home with a girls phone number and he’s cock of the north. You give him his 15 minutes in the sun as he proudly shows off his techniques, full in the knowledge that she’ll have chucked him by text within the week and it’ll be down to you to pick up the pieces again. However, he still bangs on, boasting that he’s now the man of the house, how you’re on the slide, how he’ll soon overtake you. Enough is enough, bloody nose time.

Well, that was the theory anyway.

Delayed kick-off (for the second year running) as the sheer number of Forest fans trying to get in overwhelmed the minuscule number of open turnstiles (for the second year running !!). Indeed, as kick off approached, the Jimmy Sirrel stand filled up and the new arrivals were shepherded through to the Family Stand at the end of the ground.

A poor first half resulted in the Forest fans behind the goal ducking for cover on more than one occasion as we seemed to have left our shooting boots at home. The only significant incident occurred right on half time as Kelvin Wilson limped off. Wilson, alongside Wes Morgan, had dealt with everything Notts had offered in the first half, which to be fair wasn’t a great deal.

The second half was a different matter. Notts hit a post within the first minute, and with Luke Chambers tripping over his own laces, Rodgers went through and scored an easy opener.

Lee Hughes made it two-nill soon after, and the Notts fans were treating it like they’d won the league.

I don’t like Lee Hughes. People can discuss all they want about mistakes, punishments, serving your time, coming out and rebuilding your life etc etc, I get all that. Lee Hughes had been getting a bit of stick from the Forest fans during the game and, as is a footballers right, when he scored he came running over to celebrate in front of the very people who had been taunting him. If only he’d thought of running to the Police as quickly just after killing someone, maybe I wouldn’t think he was a massive c**t.

Lewis McGugan scored what turned out to be a consolation for the reds, although Kevin Pilkington in the County goal will feel he should have done better.

Back on the beer after the game, the VAT & Fiddle for a few, the Lion and then back to the Horse & Groom. Superb.

All in all a good day out, but Forest are going to have to get a bit more physical and make sure that having six strikers means hitting the target more often than not.

Otherwise, that spotty 14 year old upstart could soon be getting all the phone numbers.

Fatbucks

Research shows that some of the coffees available at such places as Starbucks and the like contain as much calories as an evening meal.

The "venti" or largest version of Starbucks' Dark Berry Mocha Frappuccino, a limited offer for the summer, contains 561 calories - more than a quarter, WCRF notes, of a woman's daily calorie intake.

Read that again, a drink you would just grab and sup as you walk back to work contains over a quarter of your daily calories. Actually, reading that line adds 25 calories, you can feel the fat in your bloodstream just by mouthing the words.

But to be honest, anyone who’s stupid enough to spend nigh on £3 on what is basically half a pint of milk, water and a few ground coffee beans deserves everything that’s coming to them.

Morons.

A quick joke

(From the BBC)

What do you get if you privatise the railways ?

Companies ripping off the customers to maximise the profit.

Sorry it’s not a funny joke as such, but then it never was. Privatising the railways was ALWAYS going to result in companies fleecing customers for all their worth in order to support their fat greedy share-holders, that’s how private business works. D’uh !!!

There are cheap deals to be had, but they’re like finding the golden ticket under the wrapper of a bar of Wonka chocolate.

If you’ve never voted Tory in your life, and you’re being ripped off by the train operators, utility suppliers, dentists etc, I feel sorry for you. If you have voted Tory, then shut the f**k up and accept your punishment.

I think I must still be wasted after the weekend

Someone pinch me .....

(From the BBC)

So, how is it going to go on the first day ?

SGE: "Show me the office where Brian Clough used to sit"

Secretary: "Pardon"

SGE: "And show me the trophy room, I'd like to see the European Cups"

Secretary: "I think you might be confused, this is ..."

SGE: "And why aren't the players training in red ?"

Secretary: "... Notts County."

SGE: "So this isn't the team I saw beat Malmo in '79 ?"

Secretary: "No, they play over the river, you see those shiny stands gleaming in the sunlight, that's the City Ground, home of Nottingham Forest. This is Meadow Lane ..."

SGE: "Where ?"

Secretary: "... home of Notts County."

SGE: "Oh bugger. Can you get me the phone number of Sara Blizzard ?"

Splendour

I wasn't going to Splendour originally, free tickets from the Evening Post for the cricket made my mind up that sitting at Trent Bridge was a better way to spend a Sunday.

But then a couple of Splendour freebies found their way into my lap (I'm not called LuckyCol for just one reason you know ;-) ) so a choice had to be made.

To be fair, it was a bit of a no-brainer, I'd loved Madness as a kid but for some reason I'd never seen them live. The Pogues were also a favourite back in the day, and ironically the last time I'd seen them was at Wollaton Park, in the days when it was an annual free concert, alongside the likes of Stiff Little Fingers, That Petrol Emotion, Blur, Big Country etc etc.

Owing to a combination of the poor weather, a hang-over from the day before and the draw of the Test Match on SKY, we didn't make it down to the Wheelhouse until nigh on 5pm.

Good position near the beer tent (Harvest Pale, nice) and a cool set from the Fun Lovin' Criminals.

The rain came down and my adulthood refusal to buy a cagoul as a result of my mental scars of having one pretty much surgically connected to my body as a child led to my drowned rat appearance. But who cares, dancing can keep you warm !!

As people moved around stages / beer tent we found ourselves in an even better position for The Pogues. Shane McGowan having to be led onto the stage after the first song had finished meant he probably saw less of it than me. Something tells me it's partly an act, but bearing in mind he's been drinking since he was 10 years old, he's as lucky as me to still be alive.

Again, other peoples movements (stage / beer / bowels / whatever) resulted in an almost stage side position for Madness, who were quite frankly magnificent. The rain had stopped, the sun had been briefly out before surrendering to the horizon and the Hall was lit up like a Bavarian castle. Brilliant.

Yorkshire Beer Festival - Horse & Groom Sat 18 July

The Horse & Groom is probably my favourite pub at the moment, the standard of beer is never at fault while the choice is simply mind-blowing.

Last weekend was even better with Cellerman Colin's (no relation !!) Yorkshire Beer Festival.

Ignoring the Yorkshire-esque 'Gods own County' gubbins printed on the program (God has obviously never visited Leeds) I've got a very large soft spot for beers from that neck of the woods.

After a trip to York in April gave me a rethink on my top ten beers, it was good to see a York Brewery beer on the list, Constantine. Their Centurion's Ghost is gorgeous, to such an extent that a return trip to York is in the pipeline simply to drink some more, and the Constantine was equally as quaffable. A fantastic way to start the day.

Bronte Bitter from Goose Eye brewery







Spike on t'way and Tabatha the Knackerd (very nice) from the Anglo Dutch Brewery









Old Mill Mild from the Old Mill Brewery







Black Dub Oat Stout from the Wensleydale Brewery







Well Blathered from the Rudagte Brewery

You just can't help it

Remember when you were a kid and you were told you couldn't eat a Rowntree's Fruit Pastel without chewing ?

In a similar vein, try reading this ...

Conservative communications chief Andy Coulson has told MPs he did not "condone or use" phone hacking when he was editor of the News of the World.

... without your internal monologue shouting the word BULLSHIT.

(From the BBC)

Whinging Aussies

God, do this lot moan when they f**k things up.

Don't get me wrong, England were right royally shafted for five days, so did well to eek out a draw.

But was Australia's inability to close off the test down to Ricky Ponting for not declaring early enough ?

Apparently not .... (From the BBC)

Some extra days off are on the way .....

From the BBC:

Public sector pay should be frozen or at least subject to "severe" restraint to help rebalance the public finances, says the head of a spending watchdog.

Quite whether this spending watchdog head will accept a pay freeze too isn't mentioned, although the phrase:

.... public sector workers had "done well" in the past 10 years and would "tolerate" modest reductions.

would indicate that this moron spends most of the time with his head up his a**e.

Or at least that's where it will be if he needs to go to hospital any time soon.

Vegetarians 'avoid more cancers'

From the BBC:

Vegetarians are generally less likely than meat eaters to develop cancer

Well that's all well and good, but being a vegetarian has two major draw-backs:

Firstly, you can't eat meat. A fairly obvious draw-back, really, but one that can't be underestimated. No more bacon cobs to cut through your hang-over, no more juicy steak, chips & mushrooms, mmmmmmmmmm, and more worryingly, no more kebabs.

And secondly; Most, if not all, vegetarians are pompous pretentious supercilious tossers of the highest order, drunk on their own misguided sense of self-importance, convinced that everyone else needs to be told about their eating habits while deep down yearning for a roast dinner, crackling and potatoes done in goose fat.

Having already had cancer, personally, I'd rather avoid vegetarians.