Wedding Present - El Ray

This week sees the release of a new Wedding Present album, El Ray. Buy it now, or go to Selectadisc & buy it at the weekend, you know it makes sense.

In the mean time, some Weddoes' videos, some old, others not so old. Enjoy.


You should always keep in touch with your friends




Kennedy




Interstate 5

Computer says "no" #2

After being dragged down to Boots in town on one of the very few free days I get off at weekends, for an eye test I didn't want and, as it turned out, didn't really need, I then get sent clearly the wrong contact lenses for my eyes.

Either that or getting older and sitting in front of a computer all day actual makes your eyes BETTER !!

So, a quick call to Boots to sort it all out and I'm told that indeed, yes, my eyes have made some kind of biblical recovery because that's what the computer says.

So that must be right then, eh !!!

When I ask if this is OK, I'm told to "just try them in for a couple of days, see how you get on".

I'll tell you now how I'd get on. Wrapped round a b****y tree is how I'd get on, you bunch of Boots Muppets !!!!

Strange sightnings .....

Following pictures of Jesus in toast, or possibly sightings of ghostly images inadvertently taken in darkened rooms, comes this bright spot.

See if you can spot the fat third division reject in this picture .....

Hi Ho, Hi Ho

In quite possibly the worst kept transfer deal in history, Forest finally tie-up the signing of Rob Earnshaw.

Negotiations faltered a little bit when the Welsh striker went on holiday, following his nine month holiday at Pride Park.

And, according to the story on the official site, we're going to sign 2 - 3 more to strengthen the squad.

However, looking at this picture, either Nigel Doughty eats three Shredded Wheat for breakfast EVERY day, or Rob Earnshaw's got 6 mates who could sign up.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

If you thought this picture of the only literate Leicester fan was funny .....

























... and you continue to enjoy the couldn't-come-soon-enough long-may-it-continue demise of Dirty Cheating Mardy Leeds .....



















.... then you'll p**s yourself at the problems this t****r is having at the moment. As one of the comments quite rightly puts it, if you didn't believe in God before, you will now.



From the Nottingham Evening Post: PIERRE LOSES £2M IN SCAM

Old style

Being *ahem* temporarily without Sky Sports, a trip to the Fox on Valley Road was called for to watch Leeds' punishment become complete on Sunday afternoon. Not the best pub in the world by any means, and pretty standard John Smiths 'Smooth'.

A quick walk up to the Park Tavern on Arnold Road which has been done up since I was last in a few years back. Some of the photos on the wall left a bit to be desired for some in our party !!!

Down the hill to the decidedly closed looking Old Pear Tree, again no decent beer, but a very well looked after place just off the beaten track.

Before a last one in my old local, the Vernon Hotel. Looking a bit run down, clearly the last (in a very long line of recent) landlord decided to strip the pub of some of its more long lasting decorations, including specifically the pub sign picture that hung outside the gents for as long as I can remember going in, at least 13 years.

Bring it back !

Get it in your diary now

Nottingham Beer Festival, now at Nottingham Castle, Thursday October 9th to Sunday the 12th.

Bit windy out

Tree snapped in half by the wind, Wollaton Park May 26.

Feist - Royal Albert Hall - Wednesday May 21

Nice cheap rail tickets to the capital, to see Feist at the Royal Albert Hall.

A relaxing pint in the Carpenters Arms in King's Cross while we waited for the hotel to clear our room. In here we found the local CAMRA magazine, and therefore more of a clue as to where to get a decent pint.

I've already been to the Head of Steam (now, for some bizarre reason, the Doric Arch) in Euston, but as I'd never before managed to finish my pint in there on either of my previous two visits, it was with great pleasure that it was third time lucky.

The CAMRA magazine pointed us in the direction of the North London pub of the season (?) the Bree Louise, just off the Euston concourse, and it was here we spent most of the afternoon. To find a pub, especially in London, with proper barrels, well looked after decent beer and a wide choice of 'real ciders to boot, was well worth the day off itself.

Off to the Royal Albert Hall, and the first thing I learned was that it isn't round. Well bugger me. The second thing I learned was, that despite it being next to a huge college, there were no pubs within any decent walking distance. The Hoop & Toy in Kensington being the first one we stumbled upon.

The concert was fantastic, even from our vantage point in the "Cinderella balcony" at the top.

I'd already dismissed the Champions League final as null & void as it contained a team that hadn't won their league the season before, or this one for that matter, and were also playing the side that indeed had. What a pointless competition. I didn't know the result as we walked back to the tube, but it soon became apparent looking at the glum faces attached to the gleamingly new Chelsae shirts.

The tube was cramped and we seemed to have had a failed comedian driving the train. No-one was laughing in the King's Cross ticket hall as drunk & upset Chelsea fans looked for someone to take out their frustrations.

London, like Nottingham, isn't short of a restaurant at midnight, so a nice curry in the imaginatively (and very traditionally) named King's Cross Tandoori topped off the day.

Toys and prams

Nice interview with Sir Terry Wogan as he complains of the voting system currently employed by the organisation behind the Eurovision Song Contest.

Watching the voting on Saturday night, it becomes clear that the voting is nothing to do with how good the song is, but more of an IQ test for the populous of relatively new countries to see if they can remember the names of the countries surrounding themselves.

Personally, and unlike Sir Terry, I don't mind this.

Because this should finally bring to an end the dismal career of loser of losers Andy 'I used to work on the bins, maybe they'll have me back' Abraham.

Good bye, loser, and good riddance.

Tricky decision

Following England's dismal failure to qualify for EURO 2008, a decision has to made as to who to support. When this situation last happened, way back in the World Cup in '94, it was easy, Ireland qualified and as they were (still are) technically England's reserve squad, they were a good & simple choice.

This summer the choice isn't that easy, no "home" nations qualifying means a choice between countries usually outside the supporting radar.

So, to narrow down my choice, I've come up with a handy list of EURO 2008 Pros and Cons for each participating nation to pick a favourite. It's got to be done, what other choice is there ? Watching Wimbledon ? Bugger that.

Group A

Switzerland

Pros

Good chocolate

Cons

On a diet, so chocolate is out

Portugal

Pros

Nice kit

Recognizable premiership players

Cons

Cheated in the World Cup

Recognizable Man United players


Turkey

Pros

Nice at Christmas with a bit of cranberry sauce

Cons

Not really in Europe, is it ?


Czech Republic

Pros

Good bars

Good strip joints

Cheap beer

Cons

I've supported the Czechs before, only for them to let me down badly


Group B

Austria

Pros

Good cuckoo clocks

Cons

Most of the population live underground


Germany

Pros

Efficient players

Friendly fans

Clean cities

Cons

German


Poland

Pros

Nice countryside

Nice food, if you like boiled beetroot with everything

Cons

Is there actually anyone left in Poland anymore ?


Croatia

Pros

Nice kit

Cons

Knocked England out in the first place

Coached by Bryan Ferry


Group C (The group of death)

France

Pros

Nice countryside

Nice food

Lots of non-Man United Premiership players

Twinned with Blackpool

Cons

French (could you see any Frenchman supporting England in similar circumstances ? No, me neither)

In the group of death


Italy

Pros

World Champions

Nice kit

Cons

Always treat the European Championship with contempt

Probably already know their three group results

In the group of death


Netherlands

Pros

Lax drug laws

Nice kit, well, in half of Glasgow anyway

Cons

In the group of death


Romania

Pros

er .......

Cons

In the group of death

And shit


Group D

Greece

Pros

Current holders

Warm country

Cons

How they won last time is anyones guess. It basically means anyone could win it.


Spain

Pros

Nice kit

I've actually been to Spain. Alright, I've been to Ibiza, but that's part of Spain.

And Feuterventura.

The taste of San Miguel always reminds me of the rolling Spanish plains at sunset. Alright, alright, the half finished hotel complex next door.

Cons

Always qualify for major tournaments, never in their hotel long enough to learn the name of the manager


Russia

Pros

Former Socialist state

Cons

For about two minutes


Sweden

Pros

Fit supporters

Cons

Unfit players






So, there we have it, who's it going to be ? I think I already know, but I'll leave my choice for another week or so, long enough for me to buy the kit anyway. Arrivederci.

Four seasons in one day

Strange picture from Rufford Abbey, check out the contrast between the colours of the two trees to the left, the clear dark shadows from the bright sunshine all opposed by the threatening dark clouds.

Got to laugh

Couldn't happen to a more nasty bunch of cheating, moaning, whinging supporters. Hopefully this will be Leeds down in the bottom reaches of the football league for years to come.

Ever hate your job ?

Well, it could be worse ......

Video no longer on YouTube

It would seem the Forest promotion video has been taken off YouTube.

Not to worry, here it is again.

For no reason what so ever

A Richard Nixon quote:

"Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in."

-- Harry S. Truman

Warm, int it ?

During that extremely short period of time between the sun poking its head round the clouds and some boring tart moaning on about how hot it is & wouldn't it be good if we could have a bit of rain to clear the air, we should embrace the summer weather that has descended on us this week. Looking good for the weekend wedding I'm attending.

Style Council - Long Hot Summer

Check out Paul Weller's ridiculously comedy thin legs, which is presumably why he had to try cycling.



New Order - Regret

Not technically a summer song, but a cracking 'alternative' sunny beach video on the set of Baywatch. And anyway, who needs an excuse to show a New Order video.



Will Smith (although wasn't it Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince ?) - Summertime

If you're having a barbecue this weekend, you'll no doubt hear this flowing out of the speakers either at yours, or from any number of your neighbours stereos. Couple that with warm beer and still cold sausages, what more could you ask for from the summer ?



But there can only be ONE perfect summer tune, and this is it. Enjoy:

Apologies

For the mainly football content here over the last week or so. If you're a Forest fan yourself, you'd understand. And if you're not, tut tut tut. It's never too late to change .....

Normal service will be resumed soon.

There's always the cricket.

And EURO 2008 starts soon, need to remember to pick a team.

And after all, there's another pillock-packed episode of The Apprentice on tonight, so that'll need ripping to shreds at some point and I happen to know that tonight there's a major barney with something different happening firing wise .......

Thinking long term

The time is coming soon for me to think long term, where will I be 12 - 18 years from now.

The coast, with its associated fresh air, is the location of choice.

I just need to remember one thing .....

























Hat tip: Am Tellin Me Mam

Before the dust has even settled

It's the Bank Holiday Monday after the weekend before, and The Nottingham Evening Post decide to run a story saying Kris Commons has agreed terms with D***y on a three year deal.

Well, seeing as he only signed a 12 month contract to see where Forest got to at the end of the season, and bearing in mind that he would have every right to look elsewhere before the season ends, it's more than likely that a club like D***y would have made at least an enquiry and quite likely an offer.

Also bearing in mind Forest didn't know they were promoted until Saturday, precisely zero working days before this sensational story, isn't it also possible that they'll now be looking at offering new contracts to those they want to keep ?

But that wouldn't make a good headline story, grabbing the attention of happy reds all over Notts, stunned into buying the paper to read more.

The Nottingham Evening Post isn't there to benefit Nottingham Forest, and sometimes doesn't seem to be there to benefit Nottingham in general. It's ONLY reason to exist is to make money, pure and simple.

If you want to find out what's happening in Nottingham, watch the local BBC news.

If you want lazy journalists writing copy from their hang-over beds, read the Nottingham Evening Post.

To be fair, though, they do print some good letters.

Celebratory Beers

There is only one beer to drink in celebration of a return to the Championship.

For no good reason, more pics from Saturday

What a weekend

Forest promoted

Derby confirming what we already thought to be the case, that they are officially the worst team EVER to play in the Premiership.

And then the bonus ball, Leicester getting relegated.

The ugly bald guy on the right asks; "Which League are we in next season", to which the inbred guy (is it a guy ?) on the left replies; "League One mate"














But this is by far and away the funniest picture I've seen in a long long time, and it's even off the official Leicester website !!! Bet he feels a bit of a prick now.

Lessons learnt

So after three years, we've finally managed to get out of the s**t-hole that is the Third division. The novelty lasted for about two weeks back in the heady days of 2005 before Tuesday night games away at the likes of Port Vale started becoming a regularity. So what have we learnt from those three years ?

We had to care about the FA Cup First Round draw

There's a company called Johnstone's that make paint, apparently

Week in, week out, tin-pot nobodies would choose to use the vast expanse of the City Ground playing surface by only playing on half of it, defending in numbers & nicking an annoying winning goal on the break

Opposition fans chanting "you're not famous any more" every single f***ing week is neither funny nor original

Except from Huddersfield fans, when the irony was lost, especially by themselves

The knowledge that even by giving away fans 5,000 tickets in the best area of our ground, we knew full well that in the return fixture we'd get 150 tickets located in a hastily erected shed at the cold end of some local park

There's a professional football team in Cheltenham

And Hartlepool

And Accrington

And in bl***y Weymouth, of all places

Referees at Third Division level are there for a reason. They're bobbins.

You get exactly zero coverage from the national newspapers, except when they run "Where did it all go wrong" or "Forest players out on the p**s again" stories.

It's no fun being in a lower league to Scunthorpe.

Or Colchester.

Or Leicester. Oh, hang on, scrub that last one.

Our groundsman is the best in the country again. That's because our pitch is in such pristine condition. That's because in the Third Division, nobody uses the grassy bit.

It's c**p, and if we never play at that level again, it'll be too soon.

Ken Bates definately still not bitter, honest

From the BBC:

Gillingham chairman Paul Scally has hit out at Ken Bates after comments from his Leeds counterpart ahead of United's 2-1 win against the relegated Gills.

Bates said sending them down would be "poetic justice" because Scally backed a decision to dock Leeds 15 points.

Good to see Leeds United still aren't bitter about this, especially since they were quoted on Thursday as saying, in their official response to the 15 point ruling:

The matter is now closed and the focus can return to the pitch.

I don't mind which of Carlise (nice town, well worth a weekend visit if you've never been), Doncaster (fans deserve it after their years of club mismanagement) or Southend (easy six points) go up in the play-offs, so long as Leeds's punishment is completed.

Still can't believe it

After quite easily the worst three seasons in Forest's history, we pull together a run of 6 wins out of 7 to pip Doncaster to automatic promotion, an outcome deemed impossible a month ago.

Saturday was a surreal experience, lots of nerves in the bars Trentside before the game, double rounds in the Boat Club a necessity and a strange atmosphere in the Main Stand.

For the start of the game, though, the noise was cranked up to produce the best atmosphere in The City Ground since, well, Yeovil in the play-offs last season.

An early goal would settle the nerves, and player of the season, local boy & Forest fan Julian Bennet produced a psycho-esque fair tackle on the edge of the Yeovil box before picking himself up and arrowing a left foot bullet into the top corner.

The nerves settled, Forest started to produce the kind of football we all know they can, and were rewarded again a mere 5 minutes later. More tackling deep into the Yeovil half, a quick through ball by the impressive Ormerod put local boy & (supposed) Forest fan Kris Commons one-on-one with the keeper, and he made no mistake through the keepers legs with his standing foot.

Two nil up and the City Ground was buzzing. A fake rumour started doing the rounds that Cheltenham had scored, but it took Yeovil to blow the City Ground bubble with a neatly taken reply. The atmosphere quietened, and to confirm the surreal nature of the afternoon, suddenly there was life in the Forest fans again, as if we'd scored ourselves, Cheltenham had scored, officially this time, a stupidly soft goal as it turned out, but a goal none the less.

The atmosphere cranked back up again it was up to local boy & Forest fan Lewis McGugan to produce yet another free kick that, had it been scored by Ronaldo, SKY TV would have been wetting themselves over for weeks.

Half time, and as results stood, we were up.

Into the second half and we started to look shaky, nothing quite stuck up front, Tyson ran his socks off but every 50-50 went Yeovil's way, every tackle went to a player in a black shirt, every attempted through ball went just too far.

Then the feeling of dread returned. A dull hush went round the fans, confirmed by those with radios that Doncaster had equalised. As if to ram home the point of how close we were to blowing it (again), Yeovil popped up with an easy second and the sense of deja vu returned. Surely we couldn't get so close and lose out again, especially at home to Yeovil ?

And then it all went right again, more excitement, more jumping around, more celebrating. We'd won a corner, but surely that was all. Cheltenham had regained the lead. This time, for good. The Cheltenham game finished before ours, so we knew we were up, all we had to do was run down the clock.

Please keep off the pitch was the mantra for the afternoon, both from the tannoy and the scoreboard. Yeah, right.

So three years in the Third Division and all we had to do all along to end it was produce a decent run of results. Easy.

Checklist

Got my tickets for the game tomorrow. Check.

Looked at the weather forecast to see if we can meet up in an outside pub. Check.

Taken the p**s out of Leeds for failing to cheat their way to promotion. Check.

Nerves kicking in. Check.

I'll never complain about the British legal system ever again.

So, after all the hot-air coming out of Yorkshire, Leeds fail in their ill-timed attempt to get back the 15 points they themselves agreed to have taken off them at the start of the season.

Obviously this is bad news for the decent Leeds supporters out there, so commiserations go to the pair of them.

To the rest of the neanderthal, shell-suit wearing, pound shop dwelling, cousin marrying yokels from up the M1, and especially their adopted chairman, Ken 'electrocute supporters' Bates, I wish nothing more than contempt.

The Football League has proved that you progress through fair play, both on AND off the pitch. That a team of accountants might be able to drive a bus through an existing loop-hole, but actually, you know what, if it isn't fair and if the overwhelming majority of chairman agree, it won't be allowed to stand.

And so it was that Leeds cheated their creditors, cheated their fans at the end of last season and then tried to cheat the rest of the football league.

Fortunately, they got caught, and they got punished.

If they gain promotion through the play-offs, then fair play to them. Personally, I hope they don't, but that's because I don't like a disproportionally high percentage of their animalistic 'fans'.

But what you have to remember is that far from taking their punishment like men, they cried and whimpered and begged and attempted to cheat some more, all while buying players with money that should have been used to pay back some of their less wealthy creditors in the first place.

It should be Dirty Mardy Cheating Leeds.

How thick can you get ?

The Apprentice bumbles on from one w**ker filled episode to the next, each one relieving Sir Alan Sugar of another wannabee sycophant.

But this week's takes the biscuit.

Create an occasion, design greetings cards and sell them to big greeting card sellers.

National Singles' Day (or Singles, or Single's) wasn't too bad an idea in my opinion, but the question arose from who would actually buy the cards in the first place.

"I've got quite a few single friends" piped up Rafe. Quite. I wonder why.

But the idea from the other team was just mind-blowingly-stupid.

Drive to Tescos' (or Tescos, or Tesco's, whatever), buy a card, buy a stamp, send it through the Royal Mail postal system (lorries, planes, vans etc) to encourage the recipient to be more Green !

How f***ing more stupid can you get ?

And yet none of the in-bred-educated-beyond-common-sense-fuds could spot the vital flaw in that idea.

The application form for the next series of The Apprentice is on line now at the BBC, although as it's the BBC, the winner will surely be someone who is just visiting the studio on that particular day.

One of the questions is:

Why should you be Sir Alan's next apprentice ?

Because I'm as thick as two short planks resting in a bucket of very thick pig s**t. I think I'm a very good sales-person, but would actually struggle to sell cream-cakes to Chris Moyles. I would shaft every single other person in the recruitment process, but don't let that tell you I can't work as part of a team. So long as that team is shafting another team.

Follwed by:

What makes you different from everyone else applying ?

Clearly nothing.

They did miss a trick here, there is a clear gap in the greetings card market, and it goes like this:

Thanks for the invite, but sorry, I won't be able to attend your wedding this weekend because, quite selfishly, you've decided to get married at 3pm on a Saturday during the football season. I know you don't like football, but that's your problem. Your other problem is that during your ceremony, half the congregation will be listening to small portable radios instead of you making the most important public speach you're ever likely to make, except for confiming your name & date of birth in court, while you'll also forever wonder why there are no blokes on any of your wedding photos, unless of course you have them taken in the nearest pub which has SKY. Enjoy your day and I'll see you at the free bar at the reception at 6. Unless it goes into extra time, in which case it'll be nearer 7.