If you see Kenny Burns in Sainsbury's, turn round and get out

From the Birmingham Sunday Mercury:

EX-BLUES hard-man Kenny Burns fears that football is becoming a non-contact sport.

And the straight-talking Glaswegian has given a further damning verdict on the current state of the game by insisting – “I get more physical contact in Sainsbury’s than I would in a football match today’.

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Forest 1:1 Bristol City

It had to happen sooner or later. Forest have been quietly going about their business, closely winning here, sneaking a victory there and suddenly we’re banging on the doors of the play-offs. Someone was bound to notice at some point.

And that team were Bristol City. A bloke in the toilets at half time commented that it was like being back in the first division, teams of cloggers kicking lumps out of our more gifted players (14 seconds for their first yellow card) while sticking eleven men behind the ball and trying to catch us on the break.

Couple that with Forest having their worst passing performance of the season and the game had nil nil written all over it. Everyone was at it. Paul McKenna, arguably player of the season so far miss-hit pass after pass, Joe Garner was invisible, Majic pushed out wide, Anderson out of position, even Lee Camp returned the ball several times too many. A bad day all round.

And then Wes Morgan popped up with 5 minutes to go to shovel one in from 6 yards. He then sprinted faster than I’ve certainly ever seen him run to celebrate in front of the Main Stand.

I turned to my boy at this point, playing the dutiful father, trying not to get his hopes up, that being a Forest fan means years of struggle, heartbreak and angst. I simply told him “We’re not going to win this, you know that ?”. And like a prophet of doom, I was proved right. Kelvin Wilson, who’d had a decent game to be fair, let the ball bounce in the area and City got a probably deserved equaliser.

So deserved, in fact, that during what should have been a frantic last couple of minutes of injury time, Forest fans were more than happy that they’d got even a point from such a poor performance that anything else, especially after blatantly ripping off Bristol City last season, would have been a step too far.

Still, we’re unbeaten now since mid September, almost two months ago, and that’s a good place to go into this international break. A few returning from injury, a chance to have a bit of a knees & feet up session and back to it with plummeting Middlesbrough up next.

It’s good being a Forest fan again, and maybe we can have this season off after all. Mid table in March, no hassle, no drama, just good times.

Or is that asking too much ?

Forest 1:0 Fat Pitch Invading Band Wagon Jumping Cry on the Tele Babies

A different perspective on Saturday night, owing to having something special happening on Sunday (more later) I swapped my usual Upper Trent End hard plastic seat for a lower Basford Terrace soft upholstered settee. I’m sure the atmosphere wasn’t as good, but the view on SKY was fantastic !!

The first half performance was superb, as good as it gets really. Moussi in midfield was the Guy we all raved over at the start of last season, in your face, hard as nails and breaking down the Geordie midfield. Dexter Blackstock up front could have already had a couple before rolling the ball into an empty net just before half time.

Cue the change in tempo from Newcastle, now defending further up the pitch, cancelling our extra man in midfield. They still couldn’t create anything, and when they did, the linesman’s flag came to the rescue.

Overall a good performance, certainly the first 45 minutes attacking wise. Our defence has oft been criticised for being the weak link, but only conceding one goal in the last 400 odd minutes of football speaks volumes. When that area of our game is improved, well, then we WILL start to show people what we’re all about.

Barnsley on Tuesday night, another chance to have 500 teenagers shout ‘scab’ at a very limited number of ex-working-though-the-strike-miner Forest fans who clearly didn’t give a s**t 25 years ago, let alone now. We saw after the fantastic performance against WBA the hang-over that prevailed at home to Watford. Hopefully Billy will have sorted that little head-ache out by now.

Slightly disappointed with the Newcastle fans on Saturday. Sure they turned up in numbers, and vocally supported their team, but did they do enough ? Was there any more they could have done ? Losing, against Forest, clearly not much chance of getting back into it. Surely they could have invaded the pitch or something ???!!!

Forest 2:0 Scunthorpe

Well, that was a lot better.

The crowd was a bit quiet, especially in the first half, but there was an air of tension in the ground. Not over the opposition, more a Forest knack of following a good result with a poor performance, a knowledge that the three points gained at Plymouth would stand for nothing with another home defeat a few days after. The players were going to have to lift the crowd for this one, not the other way round.

The first half came and went, a few Forest chances, especially from the numerous early corners we forced, but a packed Scunthorpe midfield kept control of the game. They like to pass the ball about and looked a decent side, but weren’t going to get anything out of the game with only Jonathan Forte up front on his own. A bloke on the tram on the way to the ground told me he was a County fan (I wonder whether he’d have volunteered that piece of information a year ago) and had been at Lincoln the night before. He assured me Forte was, and I quote, “f***ing crap”. Who needs Alan Hansen when you’ve got cutting edge analysis like that ? Saying that, Scunthorpe should stay up easily playing decent football like they do.

A strategic switch in the second half saw McGoldrick on for the no-lack-of-trying Joe Garner. A bit of subtlety was what was required and McGoldrick can deliver. Still the breakthrough didn’t come, but unlike Forest teams over the last few years, they stuck at it, didn’t revert to long ball gubbins and eventually the reward came. Another well delivered corner right on the head of an on-rushing Luke Chambers. Simple, effective and a clear sign that Forest are improving as a team. The second wasn’t long in coming, a low drilled cross from Anderson that Dexter Blackstock will claim as his, but actually could have come off anyone. But, who cares ?

Lady Luck still had a chance to shine as a Forte chance was touched onto the post by fellow spectator Lee Camp before he himself turned to retrieve the rebound. On several other days over the last two seasons, it would have rebounded in off his head.

So, a decent performance, better in the second half, sustained pressure against a none too shabby Scunthorpe side. Another win to follow the ‘job done’ Plymouth TV bore-a-thon, another three points and a good chance to extend the haul at Peterborough on Saturday.

But an award has to go to the bloke (I’m assuming it’s a bloke) who controls the electronic scoreboard. As the game was on a Wednesday, there was only one other Championship latest score to flash up at half-time, Newcastle surprisingly losing 0-1 to QPR, but hang on, what’s this ? Another latest score ?

Cardiff 6
Derby 1

Genius !!

Forest nil 0:1 Blackburn

Unfortunately I can still see the line from my Blackpool review now:

... we’d still be one nill down if we were still playing now.

And so it continued, all bluster with no end product. Chance after chance went uncreated, half chances were turned into goal kicks and even the gift of quite possibly the softest penalty ever wasn't translated into a goal.

Sure, someone's going to kop for a right hammering sooner or later, but it'll be more down to their bad luck than our team selection or tactics.

Bad luck seems to be a running theme in Jimmy Krankie's increasingly deluded post-match interviews. After last night he said; "I am not downbeat, because I genuine feel this side is playing good football, creating many chances, showing excellent bits of possession but not getting the chances they deserve and for whatever reason not getting the breaks. And that is not an excuse but an absolute fact."

Well I've always believed you make your own luck, and I think it was Gary Player that used to say; "The more I practice, the luckier I get".

So sort it out Billy, before it's too late.

Forest 0:1 Blackpool

Don’t be under any illusions about this game from either the statistics or the managers’ comments after the game. We were s**t and we’d still be one nill down if we were still playing now.

Our formation varied wildly throughout the game, from 4-5-1 to 4-3-1 all the way down to 4-0-1. Our players couldn’t pass the ball two yards to a red shirt and again we’d got players out of position. In short, it’s a Bobby Ewing moment, we’ve woken up, it’s last season again and Calderwoodout is still in charge.

Rob Earnshaw is so low in confidence at the moment that if you measured him with a tape measure you’d get a minus reading. David McGoldrick went missing from minute one. Guy Moussi has lost any ability to play football and has found the ability to tackle his own players, in short not a useful trait. We’d clearly been training on getting down the flanks and putting crosses over. But what’s the point when you’ve got a -4’5” striker in the middle spending all afternoon cushioning the ball back to the keeper.

Their goal was so predictable, Des Coleman described it on Midlands today three weeks ago. Charlie Adam picks the ball up in his own half, dribbles past four, FOUR, Forest defenders before stroking it in past a bemused Lee Camp. I wouldn’t mind if any of the four had put in a sodding tackle, but it looked like three of them gave Mr Adam directions while Luke Chambers offered to carry his shopping. Charlie Adam is so not Maradonna.

So, where do we go from here ?

You could say it was a one off, one of those things, evens itself out over the season. Well, we’re already onto our THIRD home defeat of the season and we haven’t hit the end of September yet. And the only team we’ve beaten so far are a relegation bound Derby side. And they nearly pulled back a three goal deficit. It’s all well and good having two players for every position, but if you play well and you’ve got a settled side then don’t change it. If you’ve got the shirt, you’ve got to keep hold of it, if you haven’t, you’ve got to earn it back. If there’s one thing I know from watching Forest over the last few seasons, it’s this:

Tinkering with formations, players out of positions, too much long ball simply DOESN’T F***ING WORK.

Sort it out Davies, you won’t have long before the boo boys are on your back.

Sheffield ‘sour grapes’ Wednesday 1:1 Forest

You know you’re on to a good day when you’re in the pub for 10:30 for a 3pm kick off. A JD Wetherspoons to start the day wasn’t the plan we had in mind to start with, but after perusing the new 2010 CAMRA Good Beer Guide we realised that pub no.1 wasn’t open until Saturday evening. D’oh. Ah well, never mind.

One each in the Red Deer, Bath Hotel & Wellington before a couple in the Crown Brewery tap, the Hillsborough Hotel, to finish off the pre-match quenching. Nice.







Like the Derby game two weeks ago, no sooner had the game started than we scored, Dexter Blackstock with the glanciest of headers unmarked six yards out. That’s what you go to away games for, that feeling of elation when a ball hits a net 120 yards away and you’re surrounded by 5,000 fellow trickies. Heaven. 1-0 should have been 2-0 within 20 minutes, but this time Dexter’s touch was too heavy and the ball skewed wide. Sheff Wed were always in the game, but their finishing was snatchy and baloony. All good words these, feel free to use any of them.

Their equaliser came from a period of sustained pressure, but for the second season running owed more to luck than judgement. Wes Morgan was a rock all afternoon, throwing himself in front of every shot, but on this occasion his touch was the telling one as Lee Camp lunged one way only for the ball to be diverted the other.

The second half was fairly even, Paul Anderson bringing a good save out of Lee Grant, but a draw was overall a fair result. It looked better on the BBC1 highlights.

Brian Laws didn’t see it that way, bemoaning Forest’s time wasting tactics. Admittedly, I remembering mentioning during the game that the Sheff Wed players did themselves credit by not rolling around on the floor as you tend to see on Match of the Day every Saturday night, but I don’t see why Forest players should be in any rush to get the ball back in play just because the opposition prefer it that way. Fair play to you.









After the game we waited for a tram, and waited, and waited ……





The Kelham Island Brewery's tap, the Fat Cat serves some nice beer, but beware the Cherry Perry, dangerously drinkable at 7%. The Kelham Island Tavern round the corner is CAMRA’s pub of the year, but I’m not sure why. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very nice, but I can name you three pubs within walking distance of my house that are better. To be fair I can name you three other pubs within walking distance of my house that I wouldn’t drink in without having my knacker in a vice.

A train home with some, ahem, Forest fans at the lower end of the evolutionary scale before a quick last one in the Vat & Fiddle.



Castle Rock beers are, on the whole, very nice. Pyramidal Orchid certainly isn’t.

Forest 3:2 Mardy Children

Good atmosphere at kick-off, and an even better atmosphere 50 seconds in as Majewski screamed one in from 30 yards.

Kris Commons contributed in his City Ground return, but unfortunately for him, only for the team in red. His crude tackle leading to the second goal and then giving the ball away cheaply & then not following back leading to the third meant that the decision to substitute him at half time was more in their favour than ours.

3-0 up at half time, surely even Forest couldn't mess that up.

Could they ?

Well, this is Forest so of course they could.

Derby clearly weren't going to create anything themselves so we gifted them two goals, while at the same time forgetting how to attack. Billy Davies got the crowd going with ten minutes to go, with an almost instant positive reply, while the referee managed to find ten, TEN, minutes of injury time. We hung on for the three points, but that is only the start of the real story.



Nathan Tyson runs over to pick up a corner flag from one of the ball boys and waves it in front of a raucous A-Block. He then cemented himself in Forest legend status by proceeding to wave said corner flag in front of the sheep fans.

Genius.

Doesn't go down too well with a couple of the Derby players who then start what will eventually be called a 'brawl' which both teams didn't control their players sufficiently.

Lily Savage then auditions for his future career in ironic comedy by suggesting Tyson should "have a look at himself", comparing his actions to those at West Ham earlier in the week.

Well, Miss Savage, he didn't wait outside the local tube station with 300 of his mates chucking bricks at you, did he ? No, he celebrated the victory, albeit naively, which you bunch of mardy tossers objected to.



Remember, Savage, it was you that waved your free Derby scarf in front of the same A-Block less than 6 months ago, and you that waggled your fat arse in front of the same A-Block as part of your, ahem, warm-up (above video 1:50 in). Seems you can give it out but not take it, eh ? Don't forget that it was you that threw yourself to the ground as if you'd been shot after being tickled by Gareth McCleary in a clear attempt to get a player sent off. I didn't think it was possible, but I've got less respect for Savage now than before yesterday, and yesterday I thought he was a talentless turd picked for his antics that hide a clear lack of ability.

As for Natahn Tyson, he might get a fine and / or a ban, but on the positive side, he'll never have to buy a drink in town again.

So, the East Midlands Derby is nigh. Again. The third Forest Derby game at the City Ground in less than 7 months. The cost of seat cleaning disinfectant leading to a cancellation of transfer bids on defenders. “What’s that Mr Ryan ? Improve our bid for Matt Mills to £3million ? Sorry, but the Dettol bill’s just come in, and we’ve got them again at the end of August.”

The game itself could go either way, our defence is still shambolic while at the other end, we’re just not yet firing on all cylinders. Yet. Maybe Saturday will be the day, maybe not. Derby on the other hand are flying, absolutely hammering newly twice promoted Peterborough and relegation favourites Plymouth, while only losing to Premiership certainties Scunthorpe & Rotherham.

A lack of trains will increase the number of horse & carts on Nottingham’s streets come Saturday, while I’m sure Ikea will get their usual post Derby visit increase in sales as the sheep bothering faithful return to Derby with stories of painted furniture, cold AND hot running water, plus lights that stay on as if by magic at the flick of something called a ‘switch’.

Derby fans will tell you that they’re the dominant team in the East Midlands now and have been for a few years. We took over in the late seventies and won the league, back-to-back European Cups, 57 League Cups with countless other Wembley Cup Final appearances. They over took us ten or so years back and won …… bugger all. No, sorry, they did beat Newcastle.

So a win on Saturday and Forest will be back to their rightful top of the pecking order East Midland’s wise, while Derby fans go back to fiddling with their attendance figures and their wild animals.

And all the while, the pantomime that is Notts County trundles on down the lane. Derby fans must be crapping themselves in their tattered rags knowing that in possibly as little as 2 years, our Championship rivalry won’t be with their dirty little team at the other end of the A52, but our Swedish led neighbours from over the river.

And where would that leave little Derby ?

Like Leicester, and I wouldn’t want to wish that on anyone !!!

Forest 2:4 Watford

Unfortunately, as big a case of morning after lethargy as you’re ever likely to see. A continuation of Saturday for the first & last five minutes of the first half but apart from that, absolute garbage.

Five minutes of passing football reverted to plan B, hit long balls in the vain hope Dele ‘makes Grant Holt look good’ Adebola can flick them on. This should be an option, not our main tactic.

Watford took the lead when ‘big’ Wes Morgan was out-jumped at the far post. Forest should have had a free-kick and a possible Watford dismissal for as blatant a handball as you’re ever likely to get, but to blame the defeat on that would be churlish, we got exactly what we deserved out of this, bugger all.

Still we insisted on hitting it long to Adebola, still without any reward. Then, with injury time approaching, a change in attitude, balls on the floor and suddenly we’re level. Their keeper will think he should have done better, Blackstock shinning it in from a yard out, but a goal’s a goal and the speed at which the ball was returned to the centre spot at least showed that the players weren’t simply interested in being level.

Second half and again, the long balls were sent up to Adebola. There’s a pattern emerging here. Long balls don’t get results, passing it on the floor does.

Billy Davies came up with a master-stroke midway through the second half. Realising that launching long balls up front to Dele ‘QE2’ Adebola would be aided by the simple fact of Dele ‘worse than me’ Adebola actually playing rather than sitting on the bench. Little Rob Earnshaw isn’t going to win balls in the air, so why bother.

Watford scrambled a fortunate second to retake the lead, but there was nothing fortunate about the third two minutes later, an unchallenged shot from the edge of the box beating Lee Camp fairly easily.

Adebola pulled one back to kick-start the possibility of a come-back, thwarted in injury time by Watford’s fourth, in front of a fast emptying City Ground.

So why were we so poor when we were so much better on Saturday ? Personally I believe the match was already lost at the weekend, the Watford scout sat in the stands saw Nathan Tyson as our main threat & major outlet and decided to close that avenue off, leading to previously competent players giving the ball away on far too many occasions ultimately leading to a hoof-ball mentality without the necessary players up front to pull it off. Billy Davies is going to have to start winning these tactical battles otherwise worse teams than us on paper, such as Watford, will club together and beat us where it counts.

Hopefully the QPR scout sat in the stands last night will have noted how poor Nathan Tyson was last night and not bother with him on Saturday. Fingers crossed.

Forest 0:1 Lucky Lucky West Brom

The first game in my new seat and a vast improvement on last seasons left-field view, dead centre, cracking view, good atmosphere and a nice variety of supporters around. Also gladly absent were the frankly miserable, inane, puerile, childish, unfunny rantings of the three morons two rows back. If you know the three retards who sat last season in row H, right at the left hand side of the Upper Trent End as you look at the pitch, tell them to f***ing stay there and not to move anywhere else. Those three were the only reason I moved this season, the f***ing half-wits.

Anyway, the game ……

Forest 0:1 West Brom

And there you go, that was the score, that’s what’ll appear in the record books for years to come, that one line, two teams, two numbers.

And that doesn’t even start to tell the story. It’s not even the same story. Not even in the same book.

Forest were a class above. West Brom are one of the promotion favourites but we simply out-played them, wave after wave of attacks forcing the baggies into complete defence. When they did manage to get over the half-way line, their passing was so woeful that someone in the Lower Trent End must have been wearing a stripy top. Poor doesn’t cover it. Tyson on the left made their right back look like he’d been nailed to the floor, while Paul Anderson continues his ‘miss-him-when-he’s-not-there’ cameo. McKenna in midfield is immense making Neil Lennon look, in hindsight, completely like the sponging wife-cheating tosser he most clearly was during his Forest “career”.

Don’t even think that West Brom can use the old adage of playing badly and still winning being the sign of a good team. They did win, they were lucky, but believe me they are a shocking team. Relegated last season and that was why, poor defending, rubbish in midfield, clueless up front and a clown in goal. How Scott Carson gets in the England team in front of, say, Robert Green, Paul Robinson, David James or even ME FFS is a complete mystery. What he did, he did badly, presenting Dele ‘fat Jason Lee’ Adebola with two chances that someone with less cart-horse potential would have put away in his sleep. Why Robbie Earnshaw feels the need to play games against him at the penalty is beyond me, even if you kick the ball straight at him, you’d get another go, chances against Scott Carson are like cheap bags of crisps at ASDA, you have one, you get one free.

But there we go, two games into the season, 1 point, no goals BUT, far, far, far better than last season. The movement, the passing, the tackling back, winning 50-50’s, creating chances (even if they are missed) are all better than last term.

To quote another old adage; someone is due a right tonking one day and hopefully that day is Tuesday against a frankly poor Watford side. Someone is going to get done six or seven. Trust me, it WILL happen.

We started last season off with a goal-less draw against Reading, an easy home League Cup win, a dodgy defeat including a comical own goal before being given the opportunity to turn it around at home to the Hornets, so it’s all written in the stars.

So long as we don’t lose heavily to the eventual champions in the last week in August, I won’t mind.

Newcastle United

When asked which team I hate the most, and hate is probably the right word, Newcastle United is the answer. No ifs, no buts, no thinking about it. Not Derby (pity more than anything else), nor Leicester (good to see the little East Midlands teams get a shot in the big leagues), nor the Man Uniteds or Liverpools of this world with their prawn sandwich eating plastic band wagon jumping supporters.

No, for me it’s Newcastle United all the way.

When they nearly won the league a few years back and they were everybody’s favourite second team, it seemed like there was only me happy that they’d blown it, laughing at Kevin Keegan as he defended Stuart Pearce, like he ever needed defending. Fergie done him up like a kipper, guv’nor.

But why ?

Well, go back to March ’74, FA Cup qtr final, Forest drawn away at Newcastle. Forest were a decent second division side at the time against but were against one of the best teams in the top flight away from home, surely only one result ? Well, with 15 minutes to go and Forest 3-1 to the good the form book was well and truly out the window.

Cue the moment my hatred was spawned.

Newcastle fans intent on ‘supporting’ their team the only way Neanderthals know how invaded the pitch, kicking and punching anything in a red shirt as they went. The referee took the teams off until the pitch was clear before restarting the game. A clearly shaken Forest went on to lose the game 4:3, knocked out by thuggery.

The FA, in a rare moment of clarity, decided that the result shouldn’t stand, the game void. So, do we get through by default, Newcastle ejected from the competition ? No. Do we get a replay at the City Ground ? No. We get a game at a neutral venue, Goodison Park. Ah well.

A 0:0 draw, a chance to pull the mighty Newcastle to the City Ground and play them on our turf ? No, the FA, in an all to familiar moment of toadying up to the big clubs, decide that the ‘replay’ should also take place at Goodison Park. Why, what did we have to do to get a replay at home ?

A 1:0 defeat and as far as the FA is concerned all was well. Newcastle got to the final, our season petered out eventually finishing a mere four points off promotion when a top three place looked likely.

So, why bring this up now ?

Newcastle go to Aston Villa on the last day of the current Premiership season not only needing the win, but also requiring other results to go their way. Relegation to the Championship is a distinct possibility.

But Aston Villa have already secured a Europa League place for next season, whether they want it or not, so their players will be, mentally at least, feet up thinking about the beach. Surely they wouldn’t be as bothered about the result as a frantically struggling Newcastle ?

Well, if you go back to the 6th March 1974 and look at the Forest team sheet, you’d notice a young Scottish midfielder by the name of J.Robertson and an even younger Irish midfielder with the name M.O’Neill.

It might take a long time for justice to come through, but revenge is a dish best served cold, and when Newcastle go down, WHEN Newcastle go down, I’ll piss myself ‘til Christmas.